Last time they let me into this thing, it was Oslo 2010, and Morning 1 looked roughly like this:

  • Moldova shoots for YouTube viral fame
  • Very Eastern Europe goes all depressed and ridiculous
  • Cool arty bloke kills his backing singers artily in an arty fashion.

I’m getting suspicious here. Bloody repeats.

Riddle me this, though, OnEurope – if Loïc wants a cool and minimalist and interesting and monochrome and arty vibe, why is he choosing to oversing his song at me in a thoroughly overexcited manner? Calm down man! Pretend that Europe has never heard your song before! Play it nice and cool, son, nice and cool… It may yet work, and there are plenty of people in this room who think it already does, but as an enormous fan of the song I’m not really feeling it as a performance.