Phil: As the sainted Mr Mills might say “oh dear Lord, it’s hideous”. It starts without a warning for the epileptic and there are lots and lots of lights bounding on stage and then you get an eyeful of her, Joanna. For the whoopsie’s among us, you might have a little bit of a shock with this one. She tries to come across “all alluring like” – but ends up looking like a two bit whore wearing very little other than a very revealing, in the wrong way, red dress and two garters and suspenders. She then prances about with a microphone and it looks, well, wrong in so so so so many ways! It is a total bollox up of a song, it makes my ears bleed and my eyes as well … Wogan won’t get the chance to say “it’s a feast for the eyes” – as it is not going anywhere fast. Someone needs to take her away, because the DJ won’t be at the front of the queue.
Franko: Gaaarrrrggghhh! Oh sorry that was two songs ago. Yes I do feel as though I’ve completely lost the plot as I’ve just watched the Bulgarian rehearsal. They obviously put something really powerful into the meat and bread around these parts. The people either side of me are describing this as an “epileptic fit on stage”. That’s not a bad description and indeed if you’re that way inclined please don’t watch this as the lighting on this could have an unfortunate effect on you!
It’s not just a dog’s dinner, it’s a cat’s dinner too. A pretty dire song to start with has been made worse by excessive flashing lights and two blokes pretending to be DJ’s who then set fire to their turntables and continue to spin them. The singer is dressed in an ill-advised red and black frilly, silky number… ill-advised that is unless you’re standing under a red lamp. It’s the most glorious car-crash moment of the whole shebang and I’m quite sure that there enough stupid people out there who will vote for it…..