Norway… Not suitable for diabetics

Didrik Solli-Tangen on stage in Oslo. Giel Domen (EBU)
Didrik Solli-Tangen on stage in Oslo. Giel Domen (EBU)

From the outset I thought that this song is nothing but an overblown copy of the Irish song, and the staging and the singing of it just proves me right. Didrik in his suit, backing singers in purple. Gold curtains (presumably from his mothers front room), lots of gold soft lighting and panning of the camera makes this song – in the immortal words of End of Part One “Not suitable for diabetics … or anyone else”

It’s every Irish ballad you have ever seen, transplanted to Scandinavia just in time for their own contest and everyone is fawning over it!!. It is what it is, a good, familiar song, sung by a good looking singer that looks at the camera…

Imagine it back in 1997, and it would be great. 2010, however, is a different beast. Top 5 more than likely purely because of hometown and old school appeal, but not top 1.

Nick: My erstwhile esteemed colleagues are all telling me that this is Top 5 at least. They’re just being nice. The final 45 seconds, vaguely rousing though they may be, can’t make up for the preceding, umm, (3 x 60) – 45 = … 135. Maths under pressure.

I know there’s a market for this kind of slow build attempted classy stuff, I know that host nations always win when they perform 3rd (except for Austria, who we can safely ignore at this point), I even know that we’ll probably be spending two weeks in Bergen next spring if it wins, but no, no, nay, a thousand times probably not.

Not feeling it.

Franko: With Norway we’re back in Titanic territory though far more successfully than Ireland. All the classic ingredients are there. Slow start, dry ice, effective lighting and backdrop. Our King Player stares into the camera and smiles just enough not to frighten small children (something Gordon Brown should have learned). Our five backing singers contribute just enough to not drown him out. There’s a key change and backing singers moving forwards for a crescendo. He hits all the high notes.

It’s Eurovision by numbers and in this blood bath of a contest it’s going to find itself finishing in the Top 5 and possibly winning… unless a certain Ms Kavanagh ends up drawn 4th in the final which could queer the pitch for both of them and send Eurovision to the Caucasus next year.

My colleagues are not convinced they’re still holding out for a turkey dinner but in a contest which has so much unpredictability about it this year, it’s more likely to be something middle of the road triumphing.

It hasn’t quite got the excitement factor of Leonardo di Caprio and Kate Winslett frolicking naked in the hold but we know from our many years of experience that unexciting can win this family gameshow:-)

If they do host it again, for God’s sake hold it in Bergen and take pity on us poor foreigners and lower the beer prices 🙂

 

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