OK, so we're used to there being a few cases of lumpy language and dubious translations every year at Eurovision, but this year the denizens of mangled English and curiously bad poetry have surpassed themselves. Heavens, the Polish song alone has enough songwriting cliches to sink a battleship, and even the songs written by native speakers have their own badges of shame to wear.

So here's what we consider to be the worst, most protracted, or fist-gnawingly cringeworthy lines in each of the submitted songs this year. I'd make sure that you're sitting down on a soft chair first though…


Albania

For the life of me I refuse to be anything but free

Armenia
Take it from my heart it’s going to be your beat, take it from my soul it’s going to be your heat

Australia
I can tell by your eyes that you want more than this, but can we be much more beyond these sheets?

Austria
Hey now, if you let me drown I’ll swim like a champion

Azerbaijan
I can only trick you once, bad boy, have my lungs, my millions

Belarus
Present day will become a birth of new wills and better thoughts

Belgium
I could never leave you and the city lights, I could never beat the storm in your eyes

Bulgaria
Fear of tomorrow, feelings we borrow, for a time

Croatia
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything’s a miracle

Cyprus
When you’re flying high, I’m gonna raise you up till you touch the sky

Czechia
Now that you are falling, let me be your calling

Denmark
Tonight I’m gonna show you, show you what I’ve done, I’m laying down my armour, laying down my gun

Estonia
This Western type of woman, Western Type of man, disappeared in Verona

Macedonia
I gotta feel good in saturation, and I’m the only one who knows

Finland
Don’t nestle here, go find lovers of your own, I am now alone

France
What you think is death is an inferno, and nothing more

Georgia
Don’t let nobody turn you down, even if the world is rough

Germany
I come alive inside the light of the unexpected, maybe I thrive

Greece
Watch the river running dry, now it’s time to say goodbye

Hungary
God spoke to me when I was four years old, he put a real gun in my hand

Iceland
I know I wasn’t part of a plan, I know you think that you’re being a man

Ireland
No one can promise that love will ever learn how to fly

Israel
It’s like an hourglass and you’re like trouble

Italy
Internet experts, honorary members of the selfie-addicted anonymous

Latvia
Tell me baby, where we draw the line?
Tell me baby, where we draw the line?
Tell me baby, where we draw the line?
Tell me baby, where we draw the line?
Tell me baby, where we draw the line?
Tell me baby, where we draw the line?

Lithuania
Changes running through me with the speed of sound, there’s no wait in dream life, nothing stops me now

Malta
I got the will, I learned the skill, of a true acrobat for love

Moldova
It’s a girl and maybe she’ll sleep at home, but I steal her alone

Montenegro
I have my suit on, no need to worry, give me your body, let’s write a story

Netherlands
Though the hallway catches the light, it won’t reach the corner where you strongly fight

Norway
Got eyes in my neck but I’m absent, I’m quiet in a corner seeking action, I wanna be bold but I’m only getting old

Poland
Fire, like a burning desire, taking me higher, walk in a wire

Portugal
I know that nobody loves alone, maybe slowly you can learn again

Romania
If you’re stuck in a place and it feels like shit, if you wanna run feeling like a misfit

Russia (Don't think you can get out of this THAT easily, Russia!)
Day and night all I do is dreaming, pacing sick and staring at the ceiling

San Marino
We can write another page, a golden age within our lifetime

Serbia
But I love what you’re doing to me, How you spin me round, high off the ground, I’m not coming down

Slovenia
I’m feeling so alone, I’m turning down my tone, before the rise of sun I will be gone

Spain
Raise your head and don’t lay down with the sorrow, just open a door and you will see what comes tomorrow

Sweden
Hands down to the floor my love, I am doing whatever you want

Switzerland
Crashing down fast, as fragile as glass

Ukraine
Let’s take time to find a place without violence, let’s listen and find the true meaning of silence

UK
You’re not defeated, you’re in repair, don’t have to call me, I’ll always be there

But which was the worst? You decide!

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