Monty’s Eurovision Countdown – Lithuania

Rain of Revolution by Fusedmarc

There’s an old French & Saunders sketch where they’re playing vacuous magazine editors compiling the next meaningless issue. For one feature, they discuss the language, concluding if they spell ‘fayre’ with a ‘y’ people will think it’s more interesting. It’s a subtle, but succinct, satire of the self-consciously fashionable set, the type that would be fooled by the Emperor’s New Clothes to appear aligned with the latest trend, that serves well to sum up this year’s Lithuanian song for me as it’s a triumph of (attempted) style over substance.

There’s not a thing about this that doesn’t annoy the titting crap out of me. It screams “let’s be a bit different!”, feeling like there’s a concerted effort going on to make it feel a little bit out there. You need more than some eclectic dance moves, vocal tics and a stomp around the stage to feel genuinely arty, and Fusedmarc feel utterly disingenuous in their attempt to stand out. I can just about bear the tune for the first couple of minutes but then it all gets too much and I have to force myself not to nudge it on to whatever – anything! – is cued up next.

The only marginally redeeming feature is the singer’s ridiculous hairdo that I can have a snigger at, but even that’s mostly down to the fact that she’s modelled herself on the Irish drug mule Michaella McCollum, who had to suffer the indignity of not only being very publicly arrested and tried for smuggling cocaine in Peru, but had to do it with her preposterous high bun on display to the word’s media. She’s seen sense since her release; someone ought to have a word with this lot before May.

My marks – nul points!