Brendan Murray

Ten years ago, I fulfilled a dream and went up in a hot air balloon over Australia. Once we got up there I realised I hadn’t thought it through. I was struck by abject fear once it dawned on me that I was dangling from a wicker basket 5000 feet in the air.

It’s clear Ireland hasn’t really though this through either, plonking Brendan on a hot air balloon that never takes flight. I think it can’t get off the ground because he’s mainlining all the helium from it to heighten his voice. I mean, it can’t really be that fey, can it?

The backdrop is horrific! It’s way too dark, and looks almost like a desolate lunar landscape. It’s so mismatched to the song, it reminds me of Kate Bush’s first ever TV performance on a German TV show, where they’d recreated the Yorkshire Moors as a backdrop to her Wuthering Heights, and added a volcano.

I’m not convinced that even an unexpected eruption could liven this up, it’s truly dire. I’m almost wiling it to finish last in the semi in the hope – once again – of bucking up RTE’s ideas. One of the worst things I’ve ever seen on a Eurovision stage, and by goodness, there’s plenty to choose from.

Monty x