First Semi Final live blog from 2100 CET

20.35 –  So we are ensconced in the press centre ready and waiting for the First Semi Final Jury Final.  It begins at 21.00 CET and we’ll be raring to go…..  You can contact us at the usual channels but stay tuned!!!

Refresh to update, we’ll be working like demons!!!

2056 – Not long to go now!!!

2100 – We’re off!!

21.03 – So after some business we’re in the hall to see Emilie sing some sort of shit song that might have win!!

21.05 – Lots of people in the audience – properly full in the hall – enter the presenters!!!

21.08 – You can vote 20 times apparently for your favourite song.

21.10 – Armenia. Aram is out of tune in bits of this and there is a camera shot of his Armenian flag on his lapel – that’s no points from Azerbaijan. He looks pained in this song and this is not doing a great deal of anything. Aram looks angry and its all a bit underwhelming.

21.13 – Latvia – God I wanna smack Jurgen here. Its even more chummy and cloying as usual with them starting on the walkway and then going back to the main part of the stage. The Rasta boy looks even lest disinterested. Its almost as though they dont wanna be on stage together. This has gone down the drain faster than the shit after the cake.

21.17 – Estonia. In contrast this is looking better due to the fact that the previous two have been so dire in different ways. Tanya is still not completely on key here and there has been very bad notes and visually it still looks a mess. However, because of the awfulness of the other 2, this is only just about the leader so far.

21.24 – Sweden. Sanna now looks professional. The lighting effect of people’s mobile phones looks great on stage and the lights are still in the MF mould. This is aimed at the same constituency as always and they will be lapping it up. Juries and televoters are going to go for this in a big way. Best of the first four.

21.27 – Iceland. This is sadly infections and sounds a lot better than the first 3 songs, whether that is a bad thing or not is yet to be determined by the juries but purely on vocal ability, this is now on the cusp of qualifying…. worryingly.

21.30 – STAY AWAKE EUROPE – There is a break now!

21.35 – Albania. Arguably there is still a break on. This is not going to be doing a great deal. Hersi is still a bit shouty.

21.42 – Russia. The first six have been all shades of shite in all honesty and, worryingly again, this comes in and whilst looks messy, its a competent song that is sung not that badly to be honest and could well now be in the final by default as the others are all so bad!!

21.47 – Azerbaijan – Understated and noneplussed song, this is the kind of thing that the Azeri’s should have been sending for years. This is, actually, lovely and scoring very highly with the juries

21.50 – Ukraine. That’s a darn good song. The man in the Hamster Wheel, or the Air Filter, are straight through and there is nothing more to say. See you on Friday. End of.

21.53 – Belgium. Despite hating the song, this is a class vocal performance by Axel. He knows how to sing and he has hit every note, unlike 5/6 of the first performers. This has jury bait written through it but, be careful, this should be rising up the jury votes.

21.55 – Moldova. I’m saddened. Cristina didn’t attack this song at all but she attacked her hair and ripped off her hair piece in a cynical attempt to get votes, sadly, however, her vocals were all over the place and combined with the under powered performance, it’s failing!!

22.04 – – San Marino. God loves a trier…. Even Siegel on stage is having trouble saving this from being a three-peat of relegations. Valentina is in her shell and slowly comes out of it through the song but I fear nothing can save this!

22.06 – Portugal. Not only is she 34, but she’s got mad staring eyes like she’s on some sort of drugs at this point. her eyes are on STALKS and, whilst I wouldn’t like to meet her in a dark Alley and its so old fashioned its silly, because of the standard of some of the other songs – this now rises up the rankings.

22.11 – Netherlands, The. This is boring as hell. It is the quite literal middle of the road ballad which will pick up hardly any televotes and even less jury scores. They don’t connect with each other let alone with me and anyone in t press room. It’s just…. boring. Sorry.

22.15 – Montenegro. Qualifying, definitely. It has a great running order and, as been pointed out, it’s one of two sings not in English and it would be a bit odd if they both fail to qualify. Good draw, strong song and might well do it.

22.19 – Hungary. This is winning the Semi Final. Andras can’t half sing this song and he does. This has ticked all of the jury boxes for composition, Technical Merit and Artistic Impression etc… The stars have all aligned for this!!

22.26 – So, my 10 are :
Armenia, Sweden, Iceland, Russia, Azerbaidjan, Ukraine, Belgium, Portugal, Montenegro, Hungary.

And whilst the interval plays on the screens – I’ll bit your Adieu from the press centre. I hope you have guffawed along with me… if not, ah well 😉