LIVE BLOG: Eurovision Song Contest 2017

The big day has dawned and in just a few short hours, the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest takes place in Kiev, Ukraine. I'll be here taking you through the songs - before promptly signing off for the voting.

Tell us what you think of the songs. Who is going to win? Who is going home with egg on their faces? Cough*Spain*Cough.

Read what the UK media has to say about Eurovision 2017.

In the run up to the show tonight, I'll be dropping by occasionally to update you on anything Eurovision. Drop by and say hello. It's only you dear readers that keep us doing this.

This live blog is now over.

 

Mo Fanning May 13, 20171:14 pm

Just to get things going … Here’s a menu suggestion …

Phil Colclough May 13, 20173:55 pm

Mmmmm Kievs and Cabbage…. my staple for the last two weeks!!

Just a quick Hello from OnEurope towers here in the heart of Kiev… We’re getting ready for the contest tonight, we all have tickets and what could possibly be one of the best results in the contest’s history.

Tonight it’s Italy’s to lose…. or Bulgaria’s and Portugal’s to win…. we actually don’t know what’s going to happen but if we are any judge, people won’t like it whatever happens…

As at 1752 local the betting says :

Italy 2/1

Portugal 2/1

Bulgaria 3/1

…..and forget the rest. The money doesnt know what on earth will win – and neither do we.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20176:02 pm

Interested in how the voting works? Then let us enlighten you. This is the order of voting and a list of who will be reading out the votes … it’s a long list. I’ll post the link again later after all 26 songs are done

Eurovision 2017 – Voting order

Mo Fanning May 13, 20177:21 pm

Well, very much hoping not to be hacked by whatever has taken down the rest of the world tonight. Just 40 minutes to go, so time to get your first drinks. Mr Phil and his entourage are in the hall now, they had already been security checked, so they got to swan in slightly later than the regular rabble.

Looking back on this week … The semi-finals were patchy affairs. Tuesday had the better songs, but lined up one after the other, the effect was turgid. Thursday was much trashier, but the show had energy. A sprinkling of each does feel to have produced a reasonable final. I just hope the camera work improves tonight.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20177:22 pm

If you need to know who sings what and when, see here

Eurovision 2017 – Final

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:04 pm

The opening procession demands huge patience of the viewer. It has no place in Eurovision for me – and I’m a fan – so I wonder who really watches this bit. I suppose it’s time to charge your glasses and heat the pizza at home. If you’re at a party, now’s your time to hog the buffet.

And Mr Fanning isn’t nuts about flags – something about how they tend to bring the worst out in people – he means Brexit of course. Promise not mention that again tonight.

Surely the performers up first want time to prepare, some ‘me time’. Poor little IMRI.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:08 pm

Finally the hosts – and if you missed the semi-finals (viewing numbers suggest most people did), I would advise setting your expectations low. One of them speaks next to no English, which I guess is fine if you have a script. Less so if you put him in charge of Green Room interviews. Which they have.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:09 pm

Alex Worrell and Tim Telling – native English speakers (professional writers) – penned these words. Everyone has off days.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:10 pm

Alex is a bit ‘God Moaning’

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:11 pm

And we’re off …

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:14 pm

IMRI gets things going with a big old bouncy banger. Many of the dreary ballads got kicked out early. And that in itself might hamper Israeli chances. There are other songs just like this coming down the line later when people have settled into watching and/or are drunk enough to convince themselves a song is worth voting for.

On a more personal note, ever since Mr Phil pointed it out, the way he pronounces alive is quite annoying. You can’t unhear it once you notice. And this is my gift to you, kind readers.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:18 pm

Just like with the Polish milkmaids of yore, Kasia knows how to get Granddad’s vote in her slit up to here, slit down to there frock. She’s amply endowed. If only she’d remembered to bring a song. Nobody ever won after singing second. This won’t change in 2017. Pedestrian.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:22 pm

Naviband are such a likeable jolly pair, but the hovercraft prop that is supposed to convey motion actually feels restrictive. You sense this pair would love to skip merrily, but they’re a bit limited. It’s likely to be forgotten. And that’s a shame.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:26 pm

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:26 pm

I have a theory that Nathan Trent has everyone under a cute spell. He’s a bit Olly Murs what with the mugging and winking at the camera and little yelpy laughs, but I’m not fooled. This isn’t a cracking song, and no amount of charm is going to hide that.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:27 pm

Mr Fanning just admitted a fondness for that one.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:29 pm

Heard it all before so many times. There’s a better ethno stomper in the house and it’s coming along soon. There are some who would have this top five though, so maybe keep an open mind. I’m not taken with the shaky camera effect, it’s a bit Junior Showtime.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:30 pm

Mr Fanning is sure she just sang over tits over heels

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:31 pm

I’ve let Artsvik pass me by this week, and seeing it now, it just drifts past, going absolutely nowhere.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:32 pm

I have to say Graham Norton is on cracking form tonight.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:33 pm

Is there some decency rule that forbids naked chestage. Everyone this year has been using gauze to reveal lady bits below the neck.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:33 pm

This is choreographed to within an inch of its life and that only adds to the dated feel. That said, they can sing. And it’s not offensive. I’m not one of those who subscribes to the surprise winner theory though. Not by a very long frikandel.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:36 pm

And so after a song paying tribute to a sick mother, why not Moldova’s Hey Mamma! Not inappropriate at all. No siree Bob.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:37 pm

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:39 pm

A slice of wedding disco silliness – it’s like your dodgy uncle and his three mates have stormed the dance floor. And as for the fake sax playing, it’s wrong. And still I don’t think anyone really understands what it’s all about. I tend to feel it’s here at the expense of a better song but the flow of tonight’s show is all the better for madness
like this.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:42 pm

I really don’t like this one. It’s everything I despise about formulaic ethno Eurovision. Mr Fanning refers to it as ‘that top knot in an an army surplus jacket’. He’s not impressed.

He soon perked up when I told him I placed a cheeky side bet and if it goes top four, we’ll be very rich indeed. Therefore I’m torn. On one hand it’s a charmless racket! On the other if it does well, I’m off to Budapest next year on the takings.

I expect it’s going to be Weymouth again.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:43 pm

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:44 pm

I’ve no idea what Joci has said but that dancing girl looks right pissed off

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:48 pm

I watched a clip on Tuesday and thought it underwhelming. Then I watched the whole performance and my faith was restored, Much as tonight, this has winner stamped all over it. However, if anyone didn’t see the full song and relies on the reprise snippet, Francesco gets ever so lost between Hungary and Denmark. Warning bell sounds!

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:48 pm

But that big Ale – it was a shiver down the spine moment

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:51 pm

This reminds me of the songs they entered way back when. I recall moody Marlene stomping across the stage in 2002 for Denmark. That terribly similar song struggled to pick up votes, Anja will too.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:53 pm

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:55 pm

This is quite a lovely moment. I truly don’t rate the song, but the package is perfect. Having skimmed around inline, I discovered other performances by Salvador – he has a beautiful voice. I’d love to be in Lisbon next year and I do think there’s a slight hope, but will the Saturday night televoter get what us fans see in this?

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:56 pm

Truly beautiful

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:57 pm

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:57 pm

Lovely to see Artsvik in tears and cheering him on

Mo Fanning May 13, 20178:58 pm

Two slices of Eurovision madness being served up together – just as viewers might be in danger of a mid evening slump.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:00 pm

Azerbaijan first and they serves up blackboards and a horse head. Dihaj looks like she’s spent her money at the Per Una clearance sale. She’s wearing a peach slip and flasher mac. I’d like to take exception with whoever did her make-up too. She looks like she’s been sucking on a blue biro.

It’s all very end of term revue at your local drama school. And I wish she’d take that coat off, she’ll not feel the benefit.

The close up camera work means Dihaj comes across more like a whacky children’s TV presenter rather than the edgy look I think she’s aiming for.

Nah

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:00 pm

Dihaj struggled with some of the song for the first time this week.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:02 pm

I’m just glad she took that coat off

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:03 pm

I desperately wanted this in the show tonight, just so more people get to enjoy a slice of crazy. I appreciate hardcore fans have ‘fought’ against this kind of thing, but the casual viewer tunes in for something a bit daft. Think of it as the gateway drug to true Eurovision.

It may be clip show gold, and the singer was voted homophobe of the year a short while back, but it’s an OK song. What makes this unlikeable – apart from the repulsive Houdek – is that everyone involved seems to be taking it seriously. A joke isn’t funny when one side stops laughing.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:07 pm

Isaiah’s eyebrows have a life of their own!! Thankfully less of the yalping we endured on Tuesday. It’s still going to struggle to beat their previous ‘low’ of fifth place. Given he’s the first indigenous male to represent Australia at Eurovision, it’s a shame Sony Music landed him with a ‘Fire Sale Bieber’ song. For me, this represents much of what has been wrong this year – a glut of unremarkable songs.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:10 pm

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:11 pm

Right time for some neebles

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:15 pm

The Greek song is a happy enough disco stomper with topless men. And it’s just what I need at this point on a Saturday evening. But I can’t see why anyone would vote for something so ten-a-penny. Adequate is a word that springs to mind.

The backing singers are carrying much of this one.

Demy though is a pretty lass, but that mouth is huge. She could fit in a shish kebab sideways.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:20 pm

Just as the energy peaked, here comes Manel to deliver a post sugar crash. This is dire. That is all.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:23 pm

EDM is big in Norway right now and this is a serviceable example. Sadly, someone decided to ‘Eurovision it up’.

Graham Norton really isn’t keen.

It’s a very poor man’s daft punk.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:25 pm

A bit more filler while they erect Lucie’s mirror.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:31 pm

I find the close-up shots where Lucie grabs at nothing a bit distracting. Did I mention how the camera work is really poor this year? But Lucie looks and sounds stunning, a true step up from UK entries of recent years. I’d like to think it will score a few points more than we usually get. It deserves to.

Good job Lucie and the BBC.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:35 pm

This is a bit too run of the mill for me after Lucie. Like a budget version of last year’s Russian song in terms of staging, and given the choice between Demy, IMRI and Hovig, I think I’d go with IMRI – insert your own snark here.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:36 pm

Was this song always this long?

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:38 pm

It’s the last really mad bit tonight. They both hold this together and it’s fun. It’s uplifting and it’s everything a mad slice of Eurovision should be. But it really shouldn’t win. It’s clip show fodder that hasn’t shamed itself. Unlike Croatia which still feels like the kid who soiled himself at fatcamp.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:41 pm

It’s all a bit shouty towards the end – and Alex can certainly spread those legs.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:43 pm

Germany is is so professionally done, but very cold. A touch wobbly at the start but better once she was on her feet.

The backdrop only adding to that cold feeling. She’s got a great smokey voice and it’s a shame she got lumbered with this dreary album track.

Levina is doing her best and it will improve on previous last places, surely – I think Manel has that one in the bag.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:45 pm

Nobody seems to want to wear socks or shoes. That place is a breeding ground for verukas.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:46 pm

I’m starting to get a bit sick of the interruptions now. Once or twice is fine, but every few songs they seem to shove in a bit of filler. It’s like watching American TV

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:48 pm

Will this be the last entry from Ukraine for a while? Only ‘Time’ can tell. But this really doesn’t work for me so late in the contest. It’s competent, but not rock enough to appeal to that camp and not pop enough to pick up the mainstream vote. An abject lesson in throwing the contest. It is almost worth voting it to win just to see Jon Ola’s face. The heavy accents suggest an act not entirely at home singing in English.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:49 pm

Was that really just three minutes?

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:52 pm

I wanted this to be good. I really did. I still say it’s the best song on offer by a million miles, but the black frock and the light show don’t work.

It needed bare concrete projections and an austere black smock with her hair pulled back.

To be positive, Blanche is no longer shaking like a shitting dog – maybe she sees the light at the end of a nightmare tunnel.

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:54 pm

FFS it’s them again

Mo Fanning May 13, 20179:57 pm

Can’t help but wonder if Sweden might still upset the Italian/Portuguese apple cart. I am sure the EBU would love to be back in safe Swedish hands next May. I detest this song. Robin’s shiny single expression face seems unable to do anything but that one gormless expression. There really is nothing behind the eyes. But yeah, it’s going to do well.

Mo Fanning May 13, 201710:02 pm

Little Bulgarian Kristian has such a great voice and I like the song too, but the staging feels too empty. I think he would have benefited from bringing the backing singers on with him. The video to this song was stunning, I wanted more of that here.

A few flat notes early on, but in the end he does what he needs to do and it’s got to be in with a shout.

Hard working backing singers.

Mo Fanning May 13, 201710:05 pm

Fanboys always love the French song. It’s Eurovision 101. Normally I’m totally on message. Not this year. The very moment I first heard this, I thought it was a mess, and adding in the English verse simply added to that. The beats sound wrong.

The backdrop isn’t as distracting as some suggest, and she hits a fair majority of the notes, although she is a bit breathy. I see this being a bit of a lower mid table thing.

Some serious shoulder action from Alma.

Mo Fanning May 13, 201710:07 pm

Right my dears, I’m logging off here to refresh my cup and get ready for the voting. Mr Phil and the team will be heading home tomorrow – and probably post a thought or two from some airport lounge. Next week we’ll be back with you to talk through what just happened – and of course start the heady business of the build up to May 2018. Thanks for all your clicks, comments and support this year. It’s been really great having you on board!

Mo Fanning May 13, 201710:07 pm

And now, in case you need to know, here again is the voting order for this year

Eurovision 2017 – Voting order