Live Blog

23.52 - That's it from me for now.  Enjoy the show tomorrow night, and may the best song song with the highest score win.  God nat.

23.42 - There's dummy voting afoot.  It's the same as ever.  Countries give points to other countries they wouldn't normally vote for.  But wait, we had a technical hitch. Someone on stage who shouldn't be there.  And Petra is 'always ready for Albania'.

23.40 - A well-known Swedish singer/EBU spokeswoman sings to us, and she's bloody good.  Maybe SVT should giver her the ticket sometime...

23.36 - We have a Green Room host.  It is none other than Swedish non-winner Eric Saade.  He's still as wooden as ever.

23.33 - Sorry I went quiet there, dear reader.  I've just been entertained like I've never been entertained before.  The interval act is something completely different.  Let's just say I'll never think of a Smörgasbord the same way again.

23.16 - Lorraine Lauren Loreen is the first part of our interval act and is wearing a dress Dana International would have been proud of.  She's backed by what look like the Imperial Guard from Flash Gordon, who put her in a different dress with a long long train.

23.09 - Our Pet comes back and makes reference to her Jean-Paul Gaultier dress.  He's also designed the crew's outfits.  Then we get the usual blurb about voting and see the little snippets most of by-now-drunken Europe will be voting on.

23.03 - And finally, Ireland.  Some of my Irish cohorts think we will be drinking Guinness at astronomical prices for two weeks next May.  I'm sorry to say, but I think Ryan peaked too early.  He missed a few notes here and there.  More here than there in fact.

22.59 - Georgia's Nodi & Big Ears Sophie are a safe pair of singers.  This performance stopped me in my tracks momentarily.  I know it's a ballad by numbers.  But if Europe liked Ell & Nikki, than they will love this.  I hear Batumi is warm and sunny at this time of year.

22.54 - Blonde Norwegian girl in a close-cut dress?  Me likey.  However, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear she was being carried a tad by her backing singers.  I'm not being anti-Nordic, honest.  Maybe they can overcome this for the live show tomorrow.

22.50 - Italy's Marco has really smartened himself up, with his sharp blue suit, tailored to within a centimetre of its life.  I was a little concerned about him touching himself in certain places for a second.  Just a blip I suspect as this is an immaculate performance.  Phil's now back in the room (again) by the way after doing some research during Ukraine.

22.47 - We have a big stage show, so we must be watching Ukraine.  Our giant's stamps didn't quite match with the camera shakes.  It's OK as a song, but the sugar factor is going through the roof right now.  A safe performance.

22.42 - I worry about Greece.  They will mop up lots of votes from our southern European brethren.  Sadly. In fact, does Alcohol is free count as credible music?  Does credible music ever win this riotous cavalcade of quality song?  There could be worse winners.

22.38 - No one's yet bought the one-off Azeri-in-a-box.  The box is so strong it can take the diminutive Farid standing on it.  Maybe they use boxes like this as kitchen sinks in Baku, as this has everything (but you knew that already).  Could we be back in Baku next year?  Ictimai says yes, but I suspect the EBU says no.

22.33 - Eyþór from Iceland loves his odd Icelandic letters, using them so often.  I don't blame him, as I would too.  Mr Phil has just had another gooey moment with this fine fine song.  And that note towards the end, it was beyond compare.  Reykavík 2014 anyone?

22.30 - This little black duck is inclined to plump for anyone but Denmark tomorrow night.  i'm sure the Danes are a nice bunch of people, but lots of them are wandering around with that arrogant swagger usually reserved for I*r*e*i*.  No one, absolutely no one I know wants this to win tomorrow night.  Are we looking  at the most unpopular winner ever?  I say vote for Malta instead.

22.26 - Those crazy crazy Magyars have a fun language.  Makes me wonder how they can remember the words for anything.  No, seriously, I like Kedvesem.  It's for all your fans who want something different.  In my humble opinion, it's better than the song that follows it...

22.22 - Christer Björkman wants Sweden to get fewer than nine points tomorrow night, so he becomes the best Swedish singer at a Malmö contest.  On Stjernberg's attempt tonight, Björkman might just get his wish.  There was plenty of home support for this in the press centre, but we count for nothing tomorrow night.  Right hand side of the scoreboard methinks.

22.18 - As an outsider to the ways of the UK of stuff, even I can appreciate how well Bonnie can sell a song.  Bloody hell, she was good.  Someone at the BBC must have told that she needs to nail the jury final, unlike a certain Mr Dinckerhump did last year.

22.14 - Malted yeast extract part II, from Romania's Cezar.  Not sure how well it would go with the plate of offal he's standing in/on.  I placed this in the final, but would quite happily have had Latvia or San Marino there instead.  What were you all thinking out there?  Stay off the booze next time.

22.11 - Time for some malted yeast extract from Netherlands, The.  This song left me cold when I first heard it, and it leaves me cold now.  Sorry I can't be more upbeat about it, as many of you out there in Oneurope-land love this.  She sings this well I suppose.

22.05 - It all went a little pear-shaped there, when they started playing the Dutch postcard.  Bit of a faux-pas there.  But then, onto a spokeswoman for the EBU.  I won't spoilt the surprise, but she's in Stockholm.

22.02 - It was only tonight that someone reminded me that Armenia's lead singer Gor backed Eva Rivas in Oslo some 30 years ago.  I was as surprised any when the red, blue and orange flag appeared on Thursday. It's not to the wonning, but it makes very good TV.  Isn't that what the EBU want?

21.58 - Cascada sings about being 'young at heart'.  Does that mean she's not in the first flush of youth?  I have actually tipped this one to win right from day eins.  On balance, it might be on too early but don't be surprised if we're in Berlin next May.  For Eurovision that is, not just a random holiday in Germany.

21.55 - Am I being unkind in thinking that Russia's Dina looks a little (just a little, mind) like Shrek's Princess Fiona?  However, it's a ballad-by-numbers and a better than average one.  I'm not sure whether the gimmick of throwing balls into the crowd is necessary.  It does maybe enough to get all those votes, and not jus the 'neighbourly' ones certain broadcasters insist it will.

21.50 - Oneurope officially supports Malta, although other songs may be available.  This might be short and sweet cos myself and Mr Phil are blubbing like kids who's Strawberry Mivvi has fallen down a drain.  Gianluca did everything right, although cos he was high-fiving the crowd he almost ,issed his cue to get back to his little park bench.

21.45 - Alyona (the Belarussian one) has gone all blue and white on us.  Never has a sorbet-covered ice cream product been sung about so blandly.  At least not until the dancers start drumming on their spare globe barbecues.  Maybe if they'd given me some of their free chocolates I might be a little more complimentary.  It ain't winning.

21.42 - Armas Birgit on suurepärane laulja. Ma lihtsalt armastan seda laulu. Võib-olla ma ei saa olla liiga objectove about it, kuid kui sa oled seal, sa võiksite kaaluda hääleta selle meeldiv lauluke. Ajakirjanikud armastavad seda ka.

21.38 - Roberto form Belgium is in his best court appearance suit.  Thankfully, his charge (unlike some others tonight) won't be for crimes against entertainment.  I admire this because it's the most improved song of the last two weeks and I'm pleased he made the final.  I think he thinks we think he won't win, but good on him.

21.33 - The Spanish branch of the Norwich City fan club have gone all celtic on us.  ISDN ESDM have people clapping in the crowd.  Sadly I think it'll all be in vain.  It's a nice song, as I was explaining to some random fan last night, but when did nice ever win this Grand Prix?  I think an accidental last is unfortunately awaiting Spain tomorrow night.

21.30 - Finland on?  "Isn't that amazing?"  If you want something cheesy, repetitive, repetitive, repetitive, and something to make you smile, then just you wait till you see the allegedly controversial bit at the end.  You know what I'm talking about.

21.25 - Aliona (the Moldovan one) is back with her brand new hairdo/quiff.  The incredible non-shrinking woman is being very solid.  It's one of those things you can't take her eye off.  You go girl.

21.21 - After Eurovision Andrius from Lithuania is going to market his own range of comedy eyebrows.  He's even sticking his tounge out at us.  He ain't gonna win, but he's having a lot of fun - mainly at Europe's expense for making him sing on Friday and Saturday.

21.13 - Amendine from France has to warm-up the crowd for later on.  She's very smouldery and looking just a little bit, erm, dirty.  Would you, sir?  Would you?

21.10 - Our host Pet is in a bright pink dress tonight.  She tells us that we're all united through the power of music.  Hmmmm.  Forty-four countries are going to be showing the Contest tomorrow night, including Australia.  G'day to all you Aussies out there.

21.07 - The performers make a grand entrance in the same stylee that Lorraine Lauren Loreen made the other night.

21.05 - The 'Official 2013 Eurovision Anthem' gets an airing by a large choir.  It's written by the 'BB' of 'ABBA' don't you know.

21.02 - Gone when we should have started and there is no feed.  Maybe we should be worried.

20.58 - Yep, I've skulked away from my day job to give a few views on what we may (or may not) see on the telly tomorrow night.

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