His royal Arsebiscuits and a song for the ages!

So, in this spot everyday should be a Eurovision Birthday that our Estonian Chum tends to churn out as regularly as a clockwork thing. However, today I get a carrier skunk message from the wilds of Estonia telling me that not only will there be no birthday today, but also he can’t log into the site!! – Fat F Mc Fingers we’re gonna call him now!

So, it’s down to me, your dishevelled, Jeremy Corbyn -esque leader, to provide you, the great OnEuropean public with the kind of entertainment hitherto unleashed by the Estonian Marvel.

However, as I don’t actually KNOW who the hell fire is having a birthday today and, even if I did I’d subject you to something shite anyway, we might as well bring on the trumpets of shite.

Firstly – what every Eurovision fan feels when you speak to normal people (what’s normal?) …

Now you’ve stopped guffawing, onto a song that seems to be close to my heart at present. It one of about four songs that make me cry – and not only that, it’s my mates favourite song ever. In his honour, and for all the Portuguese out there, I give you … Maria Guinot.