The 51st Eurovision Song Contest took place in Athens, Greece.
Well, she looks like the back-end of a Routemaster bus, she sang in 40 different keys and the song is in neither or all of them and, frankly, it looks and sounds bad!!
(Anjez has just sung Switzerland 1988 in his press conference)
She looks like a frumpy housewife, her dancers are on chairs and it just looks awfully bad!!
NEXT – is lunch, and some pics I feel!
… a bit blimey. It’s like … I’m struggling for words. It’s like Seyyal Taner and Julia Savicheva have got drunk and decided to let loose a bit. It has more choreography than I can even tell you about. Polina Smolova is clearly TRYING to win a second successive Junior Eurovision Song Contest title for Belarus, and somebody is going to HAVE to tell her that she is not 15 years and 11 months old.
In spite of all this, I quite like what I saw in a “somebody lift my lower jaw back up to the standard position please” kind of way. Oh, and as you will see when Hobnob sticks his next batch of pictures up, she was wearing a VERY short skirt. That’s not a skirt, it’s a belt … well, no, it’s hardly even a belt.
It’s either going to qualify easily or come last, and I haven’t a bloody clue which.
Luiz Ejlli from Albania is now on stage, and hasn’t quite managed to attract our attention yet in spite of employing what seems to be the Boonika Hoc Orchestra. As soon as he manages, we’ll come back to you.
… She is trying to win the baby ESC. She prances and dances and does all sorts of things and, frankly, its a shower of toss, in among a day of badness.
She whips around the stage and runs and does all sorts of things, and her English is STILL incomprehensible. However, Delaney thinks she “has the look of rock and roll” about her. I think she has the look of a blue cheese roll personally – but taste is a weird thing in this world that we all Eurosong land.
Furthermore, we’ve found ESC Catering Facilities. And when they get food, they’ll be very nice indeed!
Me 😉
… yes …
Isn’t it a lovely set!! (On Europe speak for “don’t offend anyone”).
Nah, what the hell …
As Mr J Logan said in 1980, “What do you say when words are not enough?”
Anžej Dežan still has the comedy beard and he manages to look like Formula One playboy and good guy Jaques Villenuve. His glasses did NOT come from Specsavers or any other Europe wide chain of opticians, and Lordi Lou, there is stair action in this one too – Its a lot of revolving stage!! –
The dancers, well … prancers, hide his face and drop him on the floor and lift him up (shame).
This is just far far too busy for words and Anzej doesn’t help by shouting at me lots.
I did think that it was a qualifier – as the rest of the draw was a bit dismal, now I am not so sure, but hell, We’re been wrong before and will be again).
Apparently Website Producer Hobnob Tracy thinks that “Hello!” is an insufficient piece of reportage to justify my P2ness. “Fair enough”, says I.
My P2ness is still only temporary, but things are improving. The nice lady at the Accreditation Centre struggled a little with the concept that “Nick_At_ESC” (as on my accreditation form) and “Nicholas_At_ESC” (as on my passport) are one and the same person, but once I got over that hurdle, I was granted a day pass. The day passes are green, and a very nice green too. Sometime today, I AM to the laminating, and should be able to pick up my yellow plastic before we leave the arena. The queue didn’t move for about an hour, but I had a bottle of pop and a bag of Greek bacon crispies, so the time passed.
Since I’ve been in t’arena, I’ve seen Bulgaria perform twice (still not keen, still feel that Aziz’s wailing break kill a song that was nearly dead already, but I seem to be in an OnEurope minority there), and Anzej is currently singing at me in front of a purple backdrop, wearing peculiar facial hair and the sort of glasses that make it look like he fears having acid thrown in his face. Not going to happen. I like Anzej (kiss of death there if ever you heard one)… he moves about a bit, and yes, I would have to say “best so far” for me.
Right, so we got here ridiculously easily and had no hassle at all until yesterday when there appeared to be both a general strike and a huge anarchist demo in town. Lots of anti-state fun, but not metro.
Still, we found a lovely eaty neighbourhood, and got home in time to watch Middlesbrough lose in the UEFA Cup Final – so hopefully I’ll find a telly that’s showing West Ham win the FA Cup Final on Saturday.
And now we’re here at the arena. Nice clean new spangly stadium, lots of those first day confusions and a huge gurt queue at the press accreditation shed.
The stage is very small by recent standards, but the amphitheater effect background is looking simple but potentially fab.
As for the two songs so far – Armenia is a song I liked previously, but is looking a bit lackluster on stage, with big bendy braces things that could go seriously wrong twanging about as part of the dance routine. A good start, mind.
Then Bulgaria – a song I wasn’t previously much fond of, but which is coming over massive huge on the stage. She’s got one heck of a voice on her, and with added sparkly Aziz (who is hyuuuuuge!), I think this might be a surprise package.
But then it’s only just started and I get over excited about everything.
There seem to be no plug sockets in the entire building, so I’ve found a spare plughole round the back of a drinks machine that’s doing me dandy.
More news as and when…
So the hour beckons. I’ll be hopping on a Gatwick bound bus in a few small hours so I thought before I left and things start getting all exciting we’d better let you know what you’re in for over the next fortnight.
Anyone been here before? Hands up at the back… Well you’ll know what to expect. But for you new coves there’s a few things you need to know about the OnEurope away team on-the-spot beat happenings.
If you’re looking for reasonable, balanced news reporting, including the minutiae of the Croatian backing singers’ sock choice, or transcriptions of the heads of delegation’s buffet choice meeting, well perhaps you might want to go somewhere else. A popular news site perhaps. If you want rabid, ill-informed blatherings, well there’s plenty of message boards that take the wonning.
However if you’re looking for lively, opinionated, frontline reports on the rehearsals, parties, poorly considered press stunts and all the other foolish tomfoolery that goes on in the week-and-a-bit trip to Eurovisionland, well you’ve come to the right place.
Along the way we’ll slag off your favourite song, praise your most hated tune to the hilt, call your father a ho and your mother a teacake, inadvertently pour some vile cultural slur on your country and upset the pop stars, TV executives and massed press corps of 37 European(ish) countries. But mainly we’ll be mocking each other and executing near impermeable in jokes, poorly spelt.
But hopefully along the way we’ll be able to tell you what’s going down Athens way, using the medium of words, pictures, sound and mime. Although hopefully without the mime. We’re just four overweight, unsurprisingly single social misfits approaching middle age and with nothing better to do with our lives, and we’ll be your hosts for the next twelve days.
Enjoy your meal.
… blimey!! – and indeed Shit!!
She has a pair of lungs on her, that’s the general consensus of the 3 of us that are in! – There is a lot of wailing in it, and yes, its still only the sound check and very minimalist choreography but, on this dire day of dire days, has livened up the assembled throng, even though half of the press have fucked off to the press conferences – she is very good. There are lots of stairs going about on the stage this year and this lot might well be taking the use of some of them – She does look very good, very good indeed, the wailing is slightly off putting, and it still sounds like it should be the background to a Flake Advert, but this aside, its become a decent one.
ooooh and there are girls waving scarfs a la rhythmic gymnastics – FAB! 😉
There is, for those that like that sorta thing, BONDAGE. Well, more like 2004 bondage for FYROM, but nevertheless, still bondage! – vocally, he is not so bad for a Thursday Morning. He is, however, having issues with in-ear monitors and sound check and things, and some, if not many, of the notes that he is hitting, he is merely attempting.
Yes I know he is having issues, but even so, at a full soundcheck, there should still be enough for him to hit, you would think!!!