Sylvia Night is a fuckwit of the highest order. She has a perfectly good song, she has a perfectly good act, she had a perfectly good chance of qualifying - Now she has managed to blow all three with a performance that was not only seven shades of shite - it smelt like it too. She tried to be all nice - she tried to play it cool - but it fell, like her on her slide, on her arse - badly.

This is not going to qualify. Period.

and relax ... 😉

Other piles of shite tonight were as follows:

Andorra - Jesus wept, Benny from da Jock has started to wail at about 2:00 into the song and it looks hideous and she was badly off key, just bad in all senses of the word.

Belgium - She was Hideous - she was flatter than a squished hedgehog on the M6 , she looked bemused when her mic was accidentally (yeah, right) turned off and the fireworks have been toned down, as has the song.

Sweden - Carola looked like she had had a stroke - visually the right side of her face seems to operate independently of the left, and she looked all wrong singing in English - though the performance was its usual polished self - I fear it will be doing no business at all inside the top five.

Monaco - The phrase of the week has changed. She needs more her and less them. The backing mix was awful from where I was sat - but blimey if they get it right, she could do well.

Poland - They now have fireworks and the girls have masks like a masquerade ball - it just looks like a pile of toss and detracts from a decent song.

Slovenia - This could be a Platin moment. His choreography got lost and he bumped into one of his backing singers and looked totally lost. He has lost the glasses, but I feel he could not see where the hell he was going. His chances, however, have gone out of sight. .

Netherlands - NOS go away - and come back when you can remember that Europe likes songs they can understand and not those performed in some bollocks language.

Estonia - Bad, very bad mix on the backing singers - IF they get this right, this is to the qualifying.

However, there were some redeeming features.

Ukraine - One shot does make a qualifier. This is exactly how to attack a weak song, the camera shot from her to the back of the hall is now faded into her face singing the note. They like that sort of thing around here - and it should do well.

Russia - Dima is great, he can sing very well - although I have doubts about his backing singers. You would think with 200 Million people they would be able to find 2 that could sing in tune... Wouldn't you??

Ireland - He acts like a primadonna - however, he has the strongest song in the first eight. Europe may well, however, have turned off after the toss that comes before it - but he performs down the pipes and does well.

Finland - THIS WAS FUCKING BRILLIANT. It has to rank among the best four performances I have ever had the pleasure to witness. Man, do they perform well! The voting viewer could well be struck dumb, and will surely  realise that it is not (as the fanboys insist) death metal; rather, it's a carefully crafted piece of schlager with light metal overtones and a polished stage act.

Lithuania - I hate it, but its deadly in a qualifying sense. It has that certain rogue element to vote for it that could make it do very well depending where it is drawn.

Bosnia and Herzegovina - I dislike this song, but I can see why it will get votes and from where. Definite qualifier, but no more than top five.

That's my review. Sort of sorry (but not really) to anyone who might feel I've pissed on their personal bonfire.

I have also been up for the last nineteen hours - after going on the boat tour that lost most of Cosmos on some Island somewhere so I am probably not 'in the best of moods' - I will possibly do a full rundown later.