Welcome back to myself Franko (minus stars), Ralph Beagle and Drashig
With apologies for the delay in bringing you the last semi finalists due to an enforced stopover in Belgium.
Ralph: isn’t that a German colony?
Franko: they’d certainly make a better job of running it….
Drashig: Belgium should be incinerated. Reduced to a pile of ash and cinder. Roooaaarrrr. And they gave us Withloof Bay too…. kill kill
Franko Well today we have stretched the Dusseldorf branch of Oneurope hospitality to provide chocolate and cognac as compensation for missing the Georgian party.
Ralph: howwwwwwwwlllllll
Franko: Yes I know Ralph. You missed the social gathering of the year for a trip to Belgium….Ralph what are you doing? You’ve eaten all the chocolate. That was supposed to last all afternoon…
Ralph rustles chocolate wrapper embarassed…
Franko: well back to the reviews, mit cognac
Belarus
This is as you’d expect. Bombastic, over the top and cheesy as hell. Flames abound with every thrust of their arms into the air. Regardless of how well it does it’s everybody’s guilty pleasure. I miss the ethnic dancers , but this is as much fun as you can have this side of Springtime for Hitler.
Drashig: don’t mention the Dark Period
R&D we love Belarus
verdict: in an ideal scenario the rest of Europe would get to see how bonkers this is on Saturday, but it might just be too scary for the average punter.
Latvia
Same sort of presentation as the national final. Two stools, two blokes, alright song and a bit of wrap. It’s everybody’s least offensive song and one of that rare breed “The song that accidentally comes last”.
R&D: a song in disguise possibly. Not too many of them this year.
verdict: sorry lads. You didn’t have any bazookers to get out.
Denmark
Much as you’d expect. Song inoffensive but unexpectedly presented with some iffy pronunciation. I don’t hate it but it’s cynicism bordering on Siegalesque proportions. It will certainly get through to the final whether it deserves it is another matter and with luck it will bomb once it gets there.
R&D: so arse-achingly boring it could only be Danish. Slightly worrying that he wants to entice young boys and girls.
Verdict: Certainly not going to bring a new tomorrow for Denmark. More of the same tosh they always enter.
Ireland
I’m a convert to these boys. I didn’t originally give them a prayer and was never a fan but you’ve got to give them credit for extending their 15 minutes this far. The presentation is genius and far more inventive than anything Ireland have entered in many a year. Yes it’s basically a crap song and they can’t sing but neither of those two factors seem relevant in this scenario. Giant Jedwards stalk us from the back of the stage wherever we look, almost to the point where the real life versions aren’t necessary. I don’t really see it as a winner but you’d have to bet good money on them still being around for the Saturday and perhaps doing somewhat better than anyone expected.
R&D: sucking noises…..
Franko: hey. Break it you two. This is a family show, we don’t do bestiality.
Verdict: bouncing all the way to the final
And so that’s all the semi finalists. We’ll be back to give you our verdict on the Big 5 during the weekend and next week stick our necks out on top 10 predictions.
Signing off from Franko, Ralph and Drashig for now.
Drashig: burp
Franko: fangs off the cognac!