Belgium … Mr Creosote and his wafer-thin song

Sadly, however, the Go Compare man, who looks frightfully bad on his twitter photo, has just polished his XXL man-size turd of a song into something that may just well qualify.

It is, quite possibly, the world’s most cloying, sweaty, horrible song but, having said that, however, it has something that will get the juries excited and mums across Europe televoting. They’ll look at Axel’s chubby little face and simper, “awww, he’s singing at me” and pick up the phone. While the rest of us are recoiling at lines like “You are my shoulder, my shelter, my satellite” – all of which begs the questions

a) WHAT?

b) Is his mother a bit on the large side too?

c) Is he his own star?

The dancer from Eurosong is also very creepy and lingers around behind him not really adding anything and emphasizing the overall hideousness of this performance.

All he does is stand there and sing the song and, if we are honest about it, that’s all he needs to do I guess. But, at the end of the day it is a TV show.

Ugh!