Why your favourite didn’t win Eurovision 2025? – The Middle Third!

Back for more Eurovision shenanigans? That’s lucky, otherwise I’d have no one to read my ramblings. Enjoy!

17th Malta – 77pts Jury, 8pts Televote.
Well this backfired spectacularly, didn’t it readers? And I, for one, am happy. You can’t have that kind of performance, and all the noise around it, and then not have the televoters go: “Is this thing still here?” Televoters were tired of it and that’s why Malta earned just the eight points. The juries could see the merits of the actual song as it was presented, even in the UK… who were supposed to hate it.

16th Lithuania – 42pts Jury, 62pts Televote
This one was a total surprise to me. Pretty boy goth rock does have its constituency, even when the song ends with 45 seconds of the same words being sung at me. Personally stunned it got any points at all, but, hey, I’m middle aged! Greece and Malta agreed with me in the juries by putting it plumb-last, but still Lithuania picked up 42 points, including eight from the Irish jury. Televoter wise, Ukraine thought it was the best, and Latvia thought it was the second best, and the UK thought it was the third best, as did Ireland. It’s amazing what a diaspora can do for you.

15th Germany – 77 Points Jury, 74 points Televote.
A massive jump now to a song that has no redeeming features at all to my ears and is just noise. And yet, real people (who are not me) liked it moderately. I’ll never understand the complex demographic that the contest has. Performed like it was in a club clearly got to the televoters of (checks notes) Austria – though I presume it being in German might have helped here. That first place did drag their average placing up to 13.06. Juries were also pleased to see a “strong Germany” (and I wonder how many positions that gave it) 12’s from Ukraine and Czechia.

14th Poland – 29pts Jury, 139pts Televote.
Diaspora tastic voting here, Europe and no mistake. The song is another in the shouty nonsense category and the music professionals broadly agreed. Four last places balanced out by 12 points from Ireland dragged the jury average up to 17.58. Televoter wise, well, everyone who was Polish or of Polish decent was mobilised to do their duty, as they have done so many times before, plus a smattering of “proper” votes. 12’s from Iceland and Ireland, ten from Belgium and Netherlands and the UK of stuff helped no end here. Apparently there are large Polish communities hereabouts. Who knew? An inflated 9.72 average televoter position.

13th Latvia – 119pts Jury, 42pts Televote.
A well-produced, simply staged ethnic song caught the imagination of the people in the TV centres around Europe proving, once again, that you don’t need all the whizzbangs and stuff to get a decent vote … if your product is of a high-enough calibre. 12’s from Denmak, Lithuania (naturally) and the UK meant that the average placing was raised to 9.86 with the juries. Televote wise, not so much love, because it possibly wasn’t instant enough. Except in Lithuania, where it clearly was, but not much anywhere else, for an average placing of 12.82.

12th Netherlands – 123pts Jury, 42pts Televote.
I might as well copy and paste the above really, because the reasoning is exactly the same. No 12 points, but plenty of jury love from around Europe meant that this would end up with an average place of 9.81. Televoting, same story because it wasn’t instant enough, but it didn’t have any last places. Indeed, nothing lower than 18th, meaning that its average place was 11.47.

11th Finland – 89pts Jury, 108pts Televote
This song was always going to be a televote sponge, as it were. It just happened that the sponge wasn’t very absorbent. Perhaps the viewers had used it to mop themselves up after Erica spurted fireworks all over the stage. Who knows, but what we DO know is that no one loved it enough to give it a 12. Only three countries gave it ten points. And yes, before innuendo bingo starts, three countries did give her one! 9.39 average position. There were too many other things for Europe to vote for, and this just missed out. There could be an argument that the Israeli vote claimed some of Erica’s thunder, but who knows? Jury wise, Austria liked it a lot, gave it 12, it also got three other sets of ten points but, as we all knew, the jury effectively killed this one off. 12.83 average position.