Monty’s Eurovision Countdown 2023 Part 8 – Cyprus

Break a Broken Heart by Andrew Lambrou.

Look let’s just get it out of the way because we all have these base instincts – he’s fucking hot. Even for someone much prettier than I would tend to find attractive, he’s fucking hot. Even if I was a heterosexual man, I still think I’d have to conclude; he’s fucking hot. There. Perhaps now we can look at the song without that elephant in the room.

Eagle-eyed Eurovision fans, and Australians, will have spotted Andrew’s loveliness in Australia Decides last year. Well, Australia decided, and it wasn’t him. In fact, his performance was a bit cringeworthy at times. Cyprus, having snapped him up on the basis of his Cypriot heritage, will be hoping he’s had time to polish his live skills by May.

The song is a not displeasing mid-tempo number rallying strength in the wake of a breakup. It’s depicted in the video with a literal argument over lunch and Lambrou’s erstwhile lover stomping out of the restaurant. In other parts she’s looking on encouragingly as he does a few laps of the Nicosia municipal swimming pool.

The song seems solid enough to get a qualification and will benefit from the all-but certain maximum televotes from Greece in the same semi-final – and from most of the predicted favourites being in the other.

If I’ve one minor gripe, it’s that despite stripping off for a dip the video cut has a disappointing lack of Lambrou flesh and not a single shot of him smuggling his budgie in his swimming cossie. There’s barely even a glimpse of nip-slip. He might as well have dived in with his pyjamas on and got his life-saving certificate at the same time.

My marks: 8 points

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1 year ago

A controversial thing to say, but I’ll do it. He’s not even THAT hot by heterosexual standards. Too ‘sweet’ and polished. Lacks a bit of a rough edge. His song has even less appeal. I won’t be surprised if this flops. Just an honest opinion.