9 September – Intellectuals in coffee bars, internetologists

Sometimes we get that hot hot favourite in a contest. You know the sort of thing: all they need to do is turn up and they have it in the bag. The other countries might as well not bother sending songs. The glitterati are booking hotels in a certain country over a year in advance, and people are working out what to do with their minimal winnings from this hot hot favourite.

And then the hot hot favourite takes to the stage, completely underwhelms, finishes sixth, and we end up going to Lisbon instead. By now, you’ll know today’s birthday boy is Francesco Gabbani. What was it that made it underwhelm? A less-than-kind arrangement of his song? A gorilla suit that didn’t look, well, gorila-ish? Or was it just that no-one wanted to stop a certain Portuguese superstar winning?

Francesco is 41 today.

Buon compleanno, Francesco!