OK, so let me storyboard this for you … Our hero comes on stage with a faux leather boa and a diamonte Stetson, sings a bit of a rubbish song, then the cameras switch to his bandmates who are, seemingly, locked in two cages reminiscent of Tiswas circa 1978, followed by a guitar break where Achille Lauro mounts a diamonte studded bucking bronco and thrusts on it, all whilst the camera doesn’t know what to do.
*checks notes*
Yeah, I think that covers it.
THIS.IS.BRILLIANT. European televiewers, who have already been asked difficult questions earlier on Thursday night, will have their kids asking MORE strange questions by the end of this three minutes. Half of Europe will be throwing their hands in the air. The other half will delight in what this is: a bit of a rubbish song by a man who has tried many times to do this for Italy at Sanremo, finally getting his chance on a Europe-wide stage.
If entertainment is the name of the game, then by Christ almighty, this entertains in all of its wrong glory. The second time, the bucking bronco (clearly a euphemism) spins round faster from the start and nearly jocks poor old Achille off, but that all adds to the slapstick genius.
Whoever told Lauro to stop screaming and making Achille Lauro noises while singing, THANKS. I LOVE YOU. I OWN YOU WITH MY LIFE
— ★ 🇸🇲🇪🇪 (@marpetya) May 5, 2022
🇸🇲 Achille Lauro is killing it! Starts behind a red screen, before coming out dressed in a black sparkly bodysuit, heeled boots and cowboy hat. Musicians in cages & at the end he rides a mechanical bull while guitarist does a solo on the b stage. Red & black lights. Extravagant!
— Global Tunes 🎵 (@globaltunespr) May 5, 2022
Yep, I’m pregnant now too. #SanMarino #Eurovision
— EurovisionApocalypse (@ESCApocalypse) May 5, 2022
San Marino is another country where the lighting feels far too dark. Achille is barely visible for much of the performance. The LED floors work pretty well, with some stop-motion style eyes appearing midway into the song #Eurovision
— Patrick Flynn (@patrickjfl) May 5, 2022