They come for the cake, they stay for the cheese

Or so I gather, anyway. I wouldn’t know myself of course, there are even rumours that some people like to hear what we’ve got to say about participants in some SongFestival or other. Unfounded, I’m sure!

Just in case, however, I’ve taken the trouble to watch some recent rehearsal footage smuggled out from the arena in a crate of Knockwurst sausages. It’s explosive stuff!

Cyprus, for example, is astonishing onlookers by being really, really quite good. I’d only heard and not seen it before now, and it had passed me by, but it’s now showing up all class and impressiveness and authenticity. It’s very, very Hellenic, like a long slow Sti Fotia with all the trimmings. Shouldn’t likey, but likey a lot. Not too much extra work needed on this one if the TV cameras are shooting in the right directions at the right times.

Sweden… not so much. Still, Chanee and Wotsisface managed to recover from worse rehearsals than this to end up really quite respectably on the final scoreboard, so I’m marking this down as an “It’s told me sod all” rehearsal.

No signs of Moldova having done a single thing to surprise me since the Moldovan NF performance, and this pleases me. If you already know in February how you want to do things in May, then stick with your first answer. Quite right too. Visually arresting, interestingly composed, a total contrast to what’s gone before it, it’ll take off in a full arena and like it or not it’ll attract support on the night(s).

Ukraine would be the core of a really excellent postcard concept if it was two minutes shorter.

Slovakia’s finally loaded for me, and well – for two minutes I was just a bit bored with the song and wondering if the Spice Girls would be reforming to release another really tedious Christmas number 1 c. 1998 anytime soon, or at least two of them, and then my eyes were literally pulled into the screen (not literally, obviously, that would be painful and probably a bit gory) by the drummer. Oh, you’ve got to watch that drummer! He’s just got that look on his face that says “I spent three long years doing drum studies at the Bratislava School of Performing and Dramatic Arts, and I end up doing THIS in front of 25 million people who are probably in the toilet anyway… I’ve wasted my life.” Only in Slovakian, obviously. Dearie me.

I need a lie down before I come back for Netherlands, Bosnia and the one between Netherlands and Bosnia now.

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