Eurovision Countdown 2018 – Scores on the doors

Prediction

43 songs, reviewed and rated by the OnEurope panel. Sometimes slack-jawed with disbelief, but often with a smile upon their faces. It’s a love it or hate it year – and as always we rarely agree.

Here’s how Monty, Phil and Mo rated the 2018 Eurovision Song Contest Songs – click the scores if you want to read the reviews behind the numbers – and the table is totally sortable.

Although we try to offer a bit of support to our home team, it’s the first time in ages that the UK has ended our Countdown in first place.

Putting aside the SuRie love, it looks very much like our 2018 kiss of death goes to multi-talented Mikolas from the Czech Republic. Let’s hope he doesn’t peak too soon with his backflipping acrobatics in rehearsals. And to be clear, none of us think the UK stands a hope of winning, but left hand side of the board would be nice. Heck, ‘not last’ would do.

Obviously, all of this will change when we see the acts on stage next week, so enjoy our blissful ignorance. The calm before the storm.

(Each song has 36 points available, 12 from each OnEuropean – we converted Mo’s votes taking 5 as 12, 4.5 as 10, 4 as 8 and so on, rounding up, so 3.3 would be 4. Where the score was 0.5, and in theory 1 point, we asked Mo, if he’d rather award zero.)

CountryPerformerSample lyricConcept
UkraineMelovin
Under the ladder
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, yeahConjunctivitis
SpainAmaia & Alfred
Tu canción
I never got to imagine that traveling to the moon would be for realManchego
SloveniaLea Sirk
Hvala, ne
True art cannot have a price tagFake break
LithuaniaIeva Zasimauskaitė
When we're old
From your very first smile I knew that I’d walk a mileEarly John Lewis Xmas ad
AustriaCesár Sampson
Nobody but you
Lord I’m gonna get so high tonightHammertime
EstoniaElina Nechayeva
La forza
I would like it to be a fairy tale around usSay yes to the dress
NorwayAlexander Rybak
That's how you write a a song
Shubidubi-dab-dab Shubidubi-dab-dab Shubaduba-hey Shubaduba-hey SayViolin
PortugalCláudia Pascoal
O Jardim
I’ll take care of your gardenHigh school musical angst
UKSuRie
Storm
Am I making you proud or could I do better?Annie Lennox sings Nicki French
SerbiaSanja Ilić & Balkanika
Nova Deca
Happiness is achievable, grab itBalkania
GermanyMichael Schulte
You let me walk alone
We were three kids and a loving mumSheeran
AlbaniaEugent Bushpepa
Mall
This yearning that burns knows no distance, no bounds in this worldGruffalo
FranceMadame Monsieur
Mercy
Merci, merci, merci, merciTurtle necks
Czech RepublicMikolas Josef
Lie to me
The way she moved got me making a puddleBack-brace Bieber
DenmarkRasmussen
Higher ground
Call it surrender, still won't feel like defeatBoaty McBeardface
AustraliaJessica Mauboy
We got love
Don’t you think it’s just a waste of time when we’re always fighting over material, trivial things in this life?Drunken auntie at wedding
FinlandSaara Aalto
Monsters
I’m gonna roll the dice, you better believe itGay Nazi chic
BulgariaEquinox
Bones
Love is like a black holeSia +4
MoldovaDoReDoS
My lucky day
And something tells me we ain’t gonna loose itFlatpack fun
SwedenBenjamin Ingrosso
Dance you off
I dug you like you were treasureTanning salon
HungaryAWS
Viszlát Nyár
My blood will keep running in your veinsThe one with all the shouting
IsraelNetta
Toy
You're stupid just like your smart phoneFamily bag of Skittles, two litres of Fanta
NetherlandsWaylon
Outlaw in 'em
A new tattoo that you can’t keep hiddenBlacksploitation
IrelandRyan O'Shaughnessy
Together
We were drifting like two icebergs out on the oceanSnowbound gayzers
CyprusEleni Foureira
Fuego
You got me pelican fly-fly-flyin' Yeah, yeah, fire
ItalyErmal Meta & Fabrizio Moro
Non mi avete fatto niente
In London it always rainsIll-judged holiday romance that won't stop calling

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[…] by the third run-through, it just seems very strained and if we are being honest, very weak and the boys' 2 x 12 seems very generous.  She needs work on this and she needs to find a heart and soul to get the place everything thinks […]

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[…] know what, it's not half bad" -and then Monty of this parish tells me how hideous it is, and he gave it a big fat bagel …  Cue sad faces from this […]