LIVE BLOG of Semi Final One Evening show from 2100 CET

So they showed all of the qualifiers in the new style and, to be honest, it made zero difference to me as to what they showed on screen – what was funny was that they banished Osterdahl to a bunker and he never said a word!

The on-screen graphics are clear and concise and they are all going to show a clip of each of the finalists – it’s probably half of a recap’s worth which is going to be plenty I reckon.  

The hosts then wrap it up by introducing Jorgen Olsen singing a lullaby to send us off.  It’s a reworking of FOTWOL without his brother (which I don’t like to be honest) but its not my choice!

And thats everything, I too am going to get a stiff frunk and head to my bed.   Thanks for visiting and see you tomorrow!

They have hidden him in a production bunker and he was not allowed to speak!

Now we get the new voting reveal and I think I like it.   They focus on three countries at a time and they put one through.  No song will be shown more than three times – I reckon that the mathematicians have been out in force.   To be honest – It looks hardly any different to be honest. 

Gifts for delegations,  interviews by Sandra and Hazel.  This segment could go horribly wrong!

“It doesn’t matter what you say now, the commentators will talk all over us” as they get KAJ to pull faces.  

Celine is doing a video message in French and English, of course – seems as though she is not going to be here after all – so the redtops in the Eurovision were all incorrect after all.  (and she is still looking ill)

They then cut to the stage with an plethora of Eurovision acts of the past singing Ne Partez Pas sans moi and the Neues Orchestra Basel accompanying them on stage.  

Is is wrong to say this could have been Scott Fitzgerald being sung at?!?

They are just talking words now the voting have been closed  – specifically about Records, showing a bit of old contests etc….

Then they move to the most streamed songs in history. 

If, like me, you are waiting to see if the crowd boo Martin Osterdahl or hide him in a bunker, your wait is almost over!

For once they almost got it right by hardly missing the countdown!

the final recap now….

I wonder how they are going to mangle the voting countdown?

I liked it
The crowd in the auditorium liked it

That’s all that counts.   

Next a video of the opening ceremony 

What’s *she* doing here?!

Well, sort of.  

They actually getting Sandra to sing in the middle bit.  well, mime.  It’s about Swiss cliches! – I have a feeling it’s called Made in Switzerland!

It’s also less cloying than the Swedish version of this in the last few years.  

They have been showing us the recap so they also might keep us on for the interval – stay tuned

Sweden

Belgium

Poland

Albania

Slovenia

Azerbaijan

The Netherlands

Iceland

San Marino

Cyprus

Norway

Croatia

Estonia

Ukraine

Portugal

One final song of the evening – well competing anyway – and that is Cyprus with the older than they make him look Theo Evan singing “shhh” – where do you think you are, Wimbledon?!

Anyhow, remember how we mentioned that Red Sebastian will be playing in the clubs of Ibiza? – There is every chance tha tthis will be played in Agia Napa in mid July.  

My problem with this is that the scaffolding poles that are on stage are clearly being played with to distract the viewer from the song which has lyrics which are undecipherable at a speed quick enough for a televoter to “get” the song.  I mean take nothing away, they are very impressive scaffolding poles and the holders are quite hunky but it’s not the Eurovision Dance contest because they seem to have left their song at home!

Well, technically, Switzerland. 

As she’s from Basel, and because I am not there, they clearly sent her back home, steering a ship down the canal, it’s hardly the Trent and Mersey, I grant you that!

It’s a lovely song and will get a massive cheer when it comes on stage tomorrow night and on Saturday but like most French language songs it suffers from the “too many words to say the simpliest thing” syndrome – couple that with it not being televoter friendly when compared to other things that are going to be in the final then it’s going to be competing for jury votes and, again, they might be a little bit thin here. 

Switzerland will be lower right hand side and people wont understand why.  ooh and in the hall, remember to use your lights cos they will have asked you to.  

Red and green should never be seen except upon a fool but Marko is no fool.  He’s just too goth for this contest unfortunately.  He is a great performer but he is better than this song or, more accurately three or four songs which have been duct taped together to get to the three minute limit here.   The best bit of the song is the bridge into the end bit of the song but by then the listener will have gone “What the actual actual IS this” and nipped off to the loo. 

It was the best in the DORA which says they had learned nothing.   

The Dutch are up next and Claude is up in the mountains on a train.

This song is a gamble.  It relies almost totally on Claude’s voice  which is definitely there but I don’t get the mix of languages or where they are put in the song which for a first time listener could well confuse them.   What does it have for them to pick the phone up and vote for it, well a good beat to the song which makes your shoulders go up and down. 

When he gets to the last bit of the song his voice is a little bit wavy but I think that has been documented in other places in worse terms than that.  

Honestly I think this is struggling but not because it’s bad – because who is it aimed at?

Some people’s idea of the winner next and, honestly, I can’t see that happening in a million years.   Another red staging with the addition of white light boxes on the stage in the shape of an “X”. 

I don’t get the hype here – I mean yes, it’s a decent song performed as only a song from Albania can be, namely by a shouty woman but with added white haired beardy man for contrast.   I’ve heard this a million times from Albania but what makes it different to them is that it’s not overdone too much.  

Should qualify. 

Sweden

Belgium

Poland

Slovenia

Azerbaijan

Iceland

San Marino

Norway

Estonia

Ukraine

Portugal

A pregnant pause as they get Gabry’s DJ booth set up on stage and they fill it with shots of the crowd, cos there is nothing else to fill it up with!

Gabry’s name is on this song but its only in name only cos his two masked singers and the three at the front of the stage that the camera tries to avoid are doing all the singing – he’s just doing the hand movements that a DJ does. 

If you are not sick of this after Sanremo you’ll be sick of it after one run through of the verse and chorus cos it plays all its cards then.   Not a sniff of San Marino a song called ” All Italy”

Dear Fyr og Flamme – *this* is how you do the genre without actually wanting me to slap you.  The boys don’t look slappable and know how to do the retro sound quite well.  The falsetto notes are good and the production on stage is very…. red. 

Also, the background to the singers in parts reminds me of the intro to the muppet show, specifically the end bit of it.  

This should be qualifying easily – that’ll piss twitter off!

it’s about props on stage – or not – thankfully Stripper, the best worst song of all time, gets shown

One of the big 5 to entertain us now, specifically Italy whom they have put on a very old tram!.

I tell you what I don’t like about this song, is that it has subtitles on the screen where none of the other non-english language songs do…. is that what they pay for?

This song does ooze class though I have to admit it and Lucio is the showiest showman that ever showed and if you end up thinking “Wasn’t he in the Ukrainian band a few minutes ago” no, but he could fit in there and they could fit in here, if they had the talent. 

It’s a cross between Bowie, Mercury and Sanremo that is getting people excited.  It’s not bad but it’s not winning.  

And he’s not playing the mouth organ, no matter how much he may look like it!

Sweden

Belgium

Poland

Slovenia

Iceland

Norway

Estonia

Ukraine

Portugal

For his postcard SSR have unironically taken Red Sebastian up the Jungfrau!

The difference between this and Norway can’t be overstated.  This is what you get when you put an experienced performer on a stage singing a half decent song and then tell them they are going to be singing it in the biggest gay club in the world.   

This has got the crowd clapping along and, again, the difference in stage presence between the last two acts is pronounced because Red, as I am calling him, knows exactly where to step and where to look and if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t phase him. 

NG1 or your national equivalent will be playing this for months, as will the clubs in Ibiza.  Very good indeed that.  

Norway next and a teenager acting out some very specific fantasies on stage.   This one too is about losing his mother, but why the earth he’s in chainmail and armour I never know…

Kyle seemingly is having problems singing his own song because he sounds unsure and very weak on the higher notes, so much so I went “oh my god” when he tried them for the first time and as soon as he goes anything higher than his standard range it’s almost like he is singing in a key that only dogs can hear.   

This song was paper thin to start with with it’s daft lyrics but this is just not good.  He’ll be told that it’s all fine and dandy, it’s not.  It’s noticeable to anyone that is going to be listening 

Sweden

Poland

Slovenia

Iceland

Estonia

Ukraine

Portugal

So after all that Sauna and sweat inducing dancing round stage I bet you could do with a nap?

Enter Portugal, Nytol set to music! – Jesus Christ this song is hideous and even your lead singer shouting “Vamos” isn’t helping this one. 

I just don’t know who this is going to appeal to apart from the insomniacs around Europe.   Sorry but no.   

For the first time in a few years I have goosebumps from the start here. 

The vocal seems a bit off and/or light in the intro but they soon get that back when they start doing all the prancing about.   You can hear the crowd screaming when they are singing this but SSR seem to have to have muted the sound but even with that you can hear the clapping coming through your speakers. 

There are flames going all over the place which whips the crowd up even more and when they get into the final chorus carnage breaks out. 

Tomorrow night, as Richard from Eurovision Ireland quite rightly said at the MF Final “If this doesn’t qualify there is going to be a fucking riot”

Love love love love – but could be performed better…..

Poland

Slovenia

Iceland

Estonia

Ukraine

Eastward now to Ukraine and more cliches ahoy as the cheese fondue comes out because of course it would!

The best thing I can say about this song is that it is a Ukrainan song for Ukranian people that clearly missed out on David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust phase.  If any of you have seen their selection show, the garden carpet at the front of the stage has been disguarded

To me the lead singer’s voice went a bit wobbly at the end of the second verse but lets put that down to the stream shall we? – Well no, let’s not because when he goes into the next bridge he is slightly off to my ear. 

They are struggling with this one. 

OK – the winner of our countdown comes next and they have shipped her off to Lucerne for the day, in the rain to make Chocolate.  Jesus it’s the Eurovision Cliché contest!

A click of the castanets and we’re off   and Melody gets the audience going some and the first quick change goes well and I have to drudgingly admit that I like this song, but that could be the gay boy in me screaming to get out.  The whole song is great and just flows really well.   

It’s also staged immaculately as well with the deep stage showing this off to the fullest.  Yeah, this is going to do alright you know!

Apparently DJ Bobo is not on the stage but I suspect he will be tomorrow.

Yellow and The Race are next……  You’ll know it when you hear it!

Most iconic song ever – sold 50 million records and apparently has a dance… it’s the Birdie song…

No, i’m not doing the dance – get that picture out of your heads immediately you filthy swines!

Can we get back to the music now?!

Well this is three minutes of Cholera isn’t it?

Even from the postcard where Tommy is at a roller rink I wish that someone would have “done him a mischief” and put Europe out of their misery. 

He sings in front of a set that says “Winners Cafe” and in the first chorus, or what passes for it, it sounds like his mic has slipped but sadly for the rest of us it’s back by the first verse.

For me, this is an unfunny three minute piss take  and it just goes on way too long and any slight smerk faded about 20 seconds in and I hope it gets the result it actually deserves rather than the one I fear it is going to get.  

the Crowd loved it – they are simpletons!

Get your hankies out – Klemen is going to rip your heart out. 

A deeply personal song showing home videos to the crowd on the background and him not knowing how much time his wife has left.  thankfully for all concerned she didn’t die, she survives to join him on the stage.  

He does the upside down thing which seems to be symbolic of his life at that time and that in itself is powerful but this is not a contest song in my opinion but it could well sneak in 10th place but I can’t see it getting much higher and for a song like this, that is criminal.  

And yes, I’m crying at the middle eight and when his wife comes onto stage.  So sue me!

At first when it came on I forgot what it was cos I was not concentrating on the screen but I should have remembered as soon as she opened her mouth.   

This is more the type of thing Albania are known for rather than conservative Poland and it gets the crowd going with the gymnastics and the screaming.   Better than Iceland, but that’s faint praise.  

A long shot of the hall follows as they get her kit off stage. 

So the laddy bantz has gone away and the boys from Iceland are up first. 

I love this song and I can’t think why cos it has nothing going for it.  The boys seem to be holding back and for the first time ever they actually lift their shades so you can see their childlike faces.   

The crowd seem to like it and thats all you can ask for.    They also recreate the boat from the national final but the graphics are from Roblox, or a ZX Spectrum, not sure which. 

At the end of the song they all come to the front of the stage.  It makes me smile, but it’s a long damn three minutes!  I also suppect the backing singers on tape are doing a lot of the heavy lifting here!

Oh there is some knockabout bantz between the two hosts that is not really working as far as I can tell….  Can we get on with the songs now?

After a bit of mishearing – we’re seeing our hosts. 

Sandra needs some styling och consulting advice cos she is in a fucking hideous yellow trouser suit and Hazel is in an equally hideous jacket.

Dear SSR – NO!

something we would only say when things det despirate but tonight the set actually *is* lovely.. I’m told it’s very deep and the TV Screen arch belies how big the arena is.

A shot of the crowd and it’s quote busy, in fact it looks full.  On stage there are people yoiking….. it smells of cheese in here as well – perhaps that’s the local flavour coming through the screen?!

to a first time start I believe – the Grand National has nothing on the EBU…..

A nice faux intro screen before blacked out screens reveal two dancers on the floor.  I presume this is a bit about Switzerland rising out of the sea or something.   It’s all very dark and moody and here come the Alphorns!

Apparently there is both in the press centre – online all we have is a countdown clock…. just about 90 seconds to go. 

So i’m waiting patiently for the live stream to come on line in the press centre at OnEurope towers…. i’m hoping for a good show!

It’s all going to kick off at the top of the hour!