Phil’s Eurovision Countdown 2022 – Part 16 – Germany

Malik Harris – Rockstars

The German Final of 2022 made me question my life choices.  t was, to be blunt, fucking awful with six songs in differing shades of beige competing for the right to finish at the bottom right of the scoreboard (with Jamala giving the whole thing an air of poignancy).  Germany has lost its way big time – I mean, Jendrick should be all you need to know about what their myriad of broadcasters think about the Contest.

The first song of that bleak night was this one, and it was literally the only thing that stood out from the magnolia wallpaper – probably because it reminded me of this in the rap break.

Malik is a cross between Eminem and Daz Sampson … and that is a sentence I never thought I would ever write, and its certainly not a compliment. Like a bunch of other songs and, yes, I am at the risk of repeating myself here, this *is* a three-minute whinge set to music. Poor Malik doesn’t want things to get better, so he blames everyone else for his plight but wishes he could change. I want to shout “so do something about it, you dosser” at the screen … but modesty prevents me – so I wrote it instead.

This type of thing, though, has its audience. There are going to be people who think it’s a tune from the heart, and he is pouring his soul out down the camera. I know not all songs are ‘Arcade’ or the like, but I am a big fan of artist believability. If someone can sell me a song about breaking up, for example, I tend to believe them. I can’t do that with Malik.  I’m pretty sure he’s telling me a story about himself, but I get this nagging feeling that he’s acting the part in order to sing the song – I know that’s counter intuitive and all, I never said my thought process was simple!

It’s got a decent hook in the non-rap bits, but that rap bit in the middle goes on just a tad too long, and he does end up shouting at me by the end … as though it’s all my fault.

Phil’s Score.  3 Points

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