Tag: Eurovision

A song-writers contest that was created to bring together Europe after the war, but of late more like a global multi-media event. If you’re reading OnEurope then you probably already know this, so why am I telling you?

  • My take on the Ukraine/Russia Eurovision saga…

    My take on the Ukraine/Russia Eurovision saga…

    So as you all know by now, Russia has picked up her toys, stamped her tiny feet, won’t broadcast the contest and is therefore OUT of Eurovision 2017 and, in the process, blames Ukrainian law for being inflexible and the web decides to explode.

    However, the interwebs have missed one crucial aspect …

    Russia were NEVER going to take part

    We’ve all been played by the Putin government and its broadcasters into believing that some compromise might happen, and that the contest heals divisions. Nah mate, I reckon it’s been a totally cynical ploy by Russia from start to finish.

    But how, Mr Phil?

    Relations between Russia and Ukraine nosedived after the annexation of Crimea and a subsequent separatist conflict in east Ukraine which Moscow is accused of stoking. Not a good thing for international relations. Ukraine entered a song into the 2016 contest about Josef Stalin‘s mass deportation of Crimean Tatars during World War Two in order to make a point. Russia was already trying to buy victory by throwing the kitchen sink at their entry (it came third).

    Tail very firmly between its legs, Russia realised that they must do something to undermine Ukraine … and what better way than to say you’ll enter the contest … in Ukraine. What a noble gesture! However the silence from Channel One Russia spoke volumes. All through the National final season the interweb was abuzz with will they – won’t they fervour as deadline day drew close. It appears now, though, that C1R, arguably aided and abetted by the Russian government, played the most cynical of all cards.

    Is she all she’s cracked up to be?

    YuliaThey revealed Yuliya Samoylova as their contestant. Knowing full well that she had broken Ukraine’s law on entering Crimea by anything other than an approved route. Yulia uses a wheelchair, so surely Ukraine would have to bow down from international pressure: they can’t not allow in “crippled Yuliya“. With smug satisfaction, they must have thought they’d trumped Ukraine. Their plan had worked. There was no way that Mother Russia wouldn’t enter the contest.

    Except there was.

    That little thing called Ukrainian law. Ukrainian government officials checked and Yulia had indeed broken their laws. There was no way they could allow her in, and so they prompted issued a ban – as is their right. A ban against her and not the broadcaster.  Cue Russian posturing (as planned all along): “Look at the bad Ukrainians being all mean to Yulia … aren’t we the paragons of virtue?

    Step forth the EBU

    EbuAt this point the EBU tried to do something. For the record, the EBU has no right to intervene in international law disputes, because they are a broadcasting union and not a political entity – something the masses of the interweb should remember.

    “Change the singer,” they said. As is Russia’s right, they refused, citing that Yuliya was picked as their singer and they had every right to send whoever they wanted.

    The EBU then played a master stroke, in my opinion. “ OK then,” they said. “Sing the song live by video link. We’ll amend things here and allow it.”

    That flummoxed everyone.

    The Russians – who had clearly hoped for a lot more mileage out of “crippled Yuliya” – were wrong-footed. There was an acceptable solution after all.  She wouldn’t be in the country- and no laws would be broken. They’d have to showcase the song for what it was: something  entered at the last minute as a cover for their real plan.

    They panicked and said no outright. And then said it wouldn’t be fair to poor little fragile Yuliya and was against contest rules (It isn’t, for the record). It didn’t matter anyway, because Ukranian TV issued a statement saying she was ‘persona non grata ‘ – meaning that her ban extended to appearing on state TV, via satellite or on stage.

    And thus the stalemate continued. Ukraine officials time and again confirmed that laws had been broken. Russian officials issued photos of Yulia diligently preparing for Eurovision – even going so far as to show her filming her postcard.

    And then, because it seemed as if nothing was happening, Russia blinked first by saying, “We won’t broadcast it and we’ll not come”. A final desperate act to make sure that they were seen as the “bigger men”, playing the martyr card to the last.

    The truth is, Russia have played the game. They knew exactly how every step of this would go. Certainly from March when they presented their “song” and perhaps as far back as last July, when there was the first sniff of a problem with “blacklisted” artists. Creating the list, in my opinion, gave the Russian broadcaster a perfect way out, and they knew it. They formulated their strategy well and played it to perfection.

    But what does the web think?

    The interwebs seems to blame either Ukraine or the EBU, and I don’t get it. It seems that the morally affronted are quick to say, “Well it’s all Ukraine’s fault, their contest is a shambles and this proves it.” In fact, it shows that Ukraine’s law (remember Russia invaded Ukrainian territory) should have primacy.

    This is, let us not forget, the very same interweb that thought Polina was the anti-christ (although Sergey was perfectly fine because he fitteds into their “mould” of the contest).

    Is it OK that a sovereign state can push around the government of another one in the name of a song contest? Of course, it isn’t, and this is, ultimately, about much more than that.

    This is about power, emanating from the Kremlin, over everything and everyone it sees fit. It’s about an ex-KGB agent who believes that he alone should bring back the Soviet Union and he’s going to be the glue that holds it together. It’s about a media PR Machine, backed by the Kremlin, using its influence to ensure that Mother Russia is seen as the one shunned – not only by Ukraine but also by the European Broadcasting Union.

    Ah yes, another favourite topic of the interwebs: the EBU has been ineffective. If you read some of the dross on social media, they should have banned Russia, banned Ukraine, taken the contest to Berlin, or cancelled the event completely. What, seriously, do you think the EBU is? It’s a umbrella organisation that handles cooperation and resource sharing between broadcasters. Taking the contest away would almost certainly damage this ‘union’ and, by definition, the future of the contest. And then people like me would have nothing to write about.

    Banning Russia and/or Ukraine would be self-defeating. Russia brings in money and viewers. Ukraine has (legally) done nothing wrong. Whilst we saw the outgoing head of the EBU claim that she wouldn’t have handled things in this way, she isn’t in charge of the Eurovision Song Contest.  Jon Ola Sand and the Reference Committee are. Like it or not, they’re making a television show, and not hoping to deliver on anyone’s ‘hopes and dreams’. A television show that needs money and entrants to survive.

    Ukraine’s only “crime” appears to be that they have been woeful in its organisation, but (my experience of attending Eurovision for longer than seems right) is that this is simply the Eastern European way of doing things.

    Are you going to get a show? Of course you are, and you always were.

    Russia have played a PR Masterstroke. Like the evil villain in any James Bond film, they can sit back and stroke their pussy, safe in the knowledge that they believe they are right and that the world is against them. Ukraine and the EBU can insist that they tried their best and point out they banned nobody. The Interwebs too may be satisfied: they have their pound of flesh and license to righteous indignation – no matter how ill-informed or misdirected.

    Ultimately, everyone is getting what they wanted, and that’s no bad thing … is it?

    OnEurope kicks off its rehearsal blog on Sunday, 30 April and we’ll be telling it as we see it each day leading up to 13 May. Join us and contradict every word. It wouldn’t be the same without you.

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  • Not the Eurovision Song Contest 2017

    Not the Eurovision Song Contest 2017

    With the contest getting closer, we thought we’d brighten up your long weekend with a few of the ‘near misses’ that could have turned the 62nd contest into a very different beast. Sit back, enjoy, and get ready to gasp as we present a show that is very much NOT the Eurovision Song Contest 2017.

    Just say no

    The above little gem failed to make the Romanian National Final, but it deserves its moment in the Eurovision sun. How do you fend off the attention of someone you don’t much fancy? Just say no.

    Yeah, about the actual song …

    Loreen forgot to include a song in this year’s Swedish national selection, and inspired the biggest case of the emperor’s new clothes going. That said she really chucked everything at the stage and produced what would have made a jolly good interval act. Mostly because it’s only three minutes long, and doesn’t involve Michael Flatley. You know, I blame Jamala. She started this.

    Ice ice baby

    Ice cream baby, come and pick a flavour. Every now and then the Romanian audition tapes revealed a gem. This is one of those moments. You imagine she’s been told how great she is at doing ‘that scat thing’.

    Be strong

    Romania this year was the gift that just wouldn’t stop giving. Part of me thinks this was a piss take, but it’s still one you have to see. There’s a really long bit where he doesn’t sing, but boy can Dorel use the stage. I particularly like the bit where he sees someone count him back in.

    Ignore the voices

    This is a case of someone who should have listened when the voices in his head said ‘no, go home, don’t make a show of yourself’. You can’t just turn up and do a Rex Harrison by speaking your way through it.

    Drop dead gorgeous

    The Spice Girls, Girls Aloud, the Saturdays. What did they have in common? The group was better than the sum of its parts. Here’s a case where the girls can neither hack it solo or together. And they look to have turned up in their pants. Oh … and there’s a spoken bit. What a time to be alive.

    Grey power

    Remember when Russia sent a bunch of nans to Eurovision? Let’s be honest, they should have gone with that this time round. Fellow land of limited freedom Belarus very nearly copied them this year. In the end, it’s worked out fine and we’ve got Navi Band, but it could so very easily have been this.

    And finally …

    Alex Angel was certain he would make the Ukrainian national final. It’s a shame he missed out, since after all that’s gone on, we might not see the country at Eurovision for a while. Anyway, back to Alex. He’s clearly mad and this video is very NSFW.

    Enjoy this performance in what looks like a Peterborough conference centre. Halfway through, you start to think what a shame it is that she couldn’t find matching bra and pants in the Kiev branch of Primark.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhXMVGS4kyI

    Of course, you know that none of these hopefuls have made it to the Big Show. OnEurope lands in Kiev on Sunday, 30 April, and we’ll be busy bringing you the day-by-day events. 

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  • Broadcaster confirms Russia ‘out’ for 2017 Eurovision

    Broadcaster confirms Russia ‘out’ for 2017 Eurovision

    After weeks of back and forth, the question of Russia taking part in the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest has been decided: Julia Samoylova won’t sing ‘Flame is burning’ in the second semi final on 11 March. And neither will anyone else.

    A statement from Russian broadcaster Channel 1 today repeated their position: having Samoylova perform over a satellite link was unacceptable, nor will they replace her with another singer. Their statement went further. They said they would not broadcast any part of the contest.

    Shortly afterwards, the EBU issued a statement that confirmed the country will no longer be eligible to participate.

    Frank Dieter Freiling, Chairman of the Eurovision Song Contest Reference Group, the event’s steering committee, said: “We strongly condemn the Ukrainian authorities’ decision to impose a travel ban on Julia Samoylova as we believe it thoroughly undermines the integrity and non-political nature of the Eurovision Song Contest and its mission to bring all nations together in friendly competition. However, preparations continue apace for the Eurovision Song Contest in the host city Kyiv. Our top priority remains to produce a spectacular Eurovision Song Contest with our Member UA:PBC in May.”

    More next year?

    When this storm first blew up, Russian TV said that if the Ukrainian authorities denied Julia a place at the 2017 contest, they would send her next year. Ukrainian law does not simply ban her from entering the country, it bans state TV from broadcasting any performance she gives. For the next three years. Were this ban not revoked, it would mean Ukraine being unable to meet EBU requirements and broadcast the show in full. Much as in 2005, when newcomer Lebanon refused to broadcast the Israeli entry, they’d have to sit it out.

    Unless the EBU changes the rules …

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  • Kiev restricts Eurovision alcohol sales

    Kiev restricts Eurovision alcohol sales

    If you feel like the only way to get through Eurovision is to pour a stiff drink, spare a thought for the OnEurope team who’ll be bringing you rehearsal news from Kiev.

    The city council today confirmed they will limit the sale of alcohol to beer in plastic containers from 4 May until after the contest ends. The move compliments an existing ban on alcohol sales after 11pm at night.

    The new restrictions apply to the streets around the International Exhibition Center and to an area near Khreshchatyk – known for the fortnight as ‘Euro-Town’. On 9, 11 and 13 May, this is where giant screens will broadcast the show along with warm-up concerts and events.

    The news comes just days after the Head of Ukraine’s National Police announced that his force will work overtime to tighten city-wide security and prevent demonstrations that might disrupt Eurovision-based events.

    10,000 police and military officers will work with emergency service teams to keep the city safe.

    OnEurope kicks off its rehearsal blog on Sunday, 30 April and we’ll be telling it as we see it each day leading up to 13 May. Join us and contradict every word. It wouldn’t be the same without you.

    If you’d like to be notified each time we report, sign up now.

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  • Eurovision Countdown 2017 – Part 5

    Eurovision Countdown 2017 – Part 5

    Every few days between now and the Big Show, OnEurope’s pundits continue to share ill-informed ideas about what’s going to win the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest. We’re through to the second semi final now, and the music just won’t stop. If you’re new to this, the general consensus is that this heat is by far the weaker of the two – something few of us can dispute here at OnEurope Towers.

    Feel free to insult and tell us how very wrong we are in the comments below each instalment.

    Today, it’s the first part of the second semi-final. We’ll hear these songs on 11th May.

    Serbia – Tijana Bogićević – In too deep

    Mo – So many songs this year have great verses and really disappointing choruses. They build in interesting ways then deliver more or less the same shouty mess. Like its near neighbours, Serbia has decided to ditch the enthno-pop, and go for something mainstream. All that said, ‘In too deep’ is one of the better numbers this year. The instrumental break sort of saves it for me – though that can spell disaster on stage. I’m certain Tina (and hopefully the hoop) will be there on Saturday and she won’t embarrass anyone.

    Mo’s score: 7 Points

    Phil-  I despise Ethnic shit, but thankfully Serbia have moved away from that and gone “generic disco” on us. Generic is often a bad thing in this particular contest, but at least this differentiates itself by being a good song. A good radio song at that, and it would get airplay from “proper” radio stations.  It’s a bit light on the old depth for me to mark it properly high, because it relies too much on the hook and title of the song. The chorus, though, gets into your head. Compared with some of the other dross in this heat, it should walk into the final.  In the final too it will have enough difference from the field to make it stand out.  Top 10 I’d expect.

    Phil’s score: 5 Points (because the hook annoys me)

    Valentina – When I heard the teaser for this song, I remember thinking it was a bit light on the ethno-sound that I’ve come to love from Serbia, as indeed all recent entries from them have been. That being said, I definitely think this is one of this year’s better offerings. It’s a good contemporary entry and is sure to pull in points from around the continent. A winner? That may be ambitious, but I’m confident it’ll walk into the final and do well on the night. I hope she brings the hoop from the video too!

    Valentina’s score: La Serbie – 7 Points (next year, please go back to the ethno!)

    Austria – Nathan Trent – Running on air

    Mo – I’m still mystified by how Zoe scored a single point last year, and to my ears this is an even weaker song. The lyric is terrible, he’s as bland as unsalted butter and I’m almost sure that if you looked up unforgettable in the dictionary, someone would have meant to include a photo of Nathan Trent.

    Mo’s score: 0 Points

    Phil – Mo’s half right – it is instantly forgettable in a contest context. Nathan’s not that objectionable and the song bounces along quite well but it’s just not good enough to get many televotes. Mo’s also completely wrong when it comes to Zoe; for the record, she was ace. This isn’t.

    Phil’s score: 2 Points

    Monty – Nathan Trent is another bright-eyed young thing bringing enthusiasm and charm to his Contest appearance. He sounds quite pleased with himself, as well he might, having been handed the biggest gig of his life. His song treads a familiar Eurovision theme of survival, triumph, achievement, and generally winning at life. To illustrate his success, he’s chosen to pretend he’s Julie Andrews singing with joyous abandon in the Austrian Alps, barely giving a moment’s thought as to how he’ll get back to the Abbey for vespers or where he’s left his wimple.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 6 Points

    Valentina – I cringed when I saw the title of this song… I mean, seriously? As for the ditty itself, it has a kind of Ed Sheeran vibe to it and is pleasant enough, but yeah… pleasant doesn’t win Eurovision. I enjoy it and should it do well in Kiev, can picture it getting a lot of radio play. Considering the semi it is in, I think qualifying might be a tall order this year…

    Valentina’s score: L’Austriche – 6 Points

    [WITHDRAWN] Russia – Yuliya Samoylova – Flame is burning

    Related news: Russia out of 2017 Eurovision

    Mo – At the time of writing, bugger knows if it’s taking part. I’m half expecting some manufactured hissy fit in Kiev if Yulia/Julia ever gets there and a bunch of angry Russians mincing home. This video seems to feature a ropy demo thrown together at the last minute. If you take it as that, it’s not the worst song in the contest (San Marino anyone?). It’s actually a very traditional Eurovision number, terribly old-fashioned, but I can remember the melody when the flame gets nubbed out. It sounds an awful lot like the sort of number you find buried in the middle of an underwhelming Agnetha Faltskog album. Were the song performed with any welly, we’d be saying the nasty Ukrainians should let her in, instead of suggesting the Russians were being a bit naughty by sending something so clearly half-arsed. I’ve heard Julia/Yulia sing better, she has got a decent voice. And she has plenty of time to learn how to pronounce the words so they resemble English instead of this lispy garble. With the right staging, work on production, it will end up in the top five … and fandom will go into meltdown. Of both things, I’ve no doubt. But if everyone is right and this isn’t a genuine entry, it will show. I suppose we’ll see her next year if only to piss the Ukrainians off a bit more.

    Mo’s score: 6 Points

    Phil – On the assumption that this song actually gets to Kiev (and it’s a massive assumption!) it’s rubbish! It’s old-fashioned, trite, Disney-o-vision stuff that the broadcaster have allowed in, despite knowing everything Russian that’s gone before it. Julia is clearly aiming at English by singing the syllables of the words, and I suspect she doesn’t know what she’s singing about … unless it’s been explained to her in Russian. It’ll be dramatically staged (probably a bit like the video above) focusing on Julia, and tugging at the old heartstrings. It’s the ear-holes that are going to be assaulted though. On the assumption that this gets to Kiev, it’s out of the semi-final, but struggling in the final. It won’t finish top five but, if we’re honest, I’m fully expecting this not to be in Kiev.

    Phil’s score:  If it gets to Kiev….. 3 Points

    Valentina – I would love to congratulate whoever does the PR for Russia at Eurovision because this whole scenario has been engineered flawlessly and quite monstrously. The song is a paint-by-numbers Eurovision entry that doesn’t show much imagination or conviction. I suspect more is being made about the singer’s wheelchair and the sh!tstorm surrounding her participation than her talent, which is a real shame. I can’t say for sure if it will get to Kyiv, but if it does, there will be anarchy in the arena if it qualifies …

    Valentina’s score: La Russie – 4 Points

    Macedonia – Jana Burčeska – Dance alone

    Mo – It’s like the Macedonians decided that sending entho-pop hasn’t worked, so they’ll have a stab at what everyone else is doing. And a bit like that line about a bunch of blind monkeys left with a typewriter eventually coming up with something good, they seem to have hit their target full on. If she can perform this live, and the staging is right, this will be in the final mix. And the video is a corker.

    Mo’s score: 10 Points

    Phil – Finally, finally a song from Macedonia that isn’t shit or half-arsed! They have put their big boy pants on, and written a song that the Swedes would be proud of, and boy is it good. Galloping out of the semi-final in one of the top few places. This has everything, including that instant hook that everyone seems to think a three-minute song needs. The video draws you in, and if there is a sniff of good choreography and lighting here that accentuates a good song (rather than stifling it) … Macedonia top five, you say?

    Phil’s score: 12 Points

    Valentina – What can I say other than wow wow WOW!! I’ve always loved Macedonian music and willed them to do better at Eurovision than they have. And while nothing has ever really worked for them, this time I think they’ve finally cracked it. A bit retro, a bit contemporary, danceable and feel good… it’s something very different for them, but it works so well! Macedonia are going to achieve their best ever placing at Eurovision this year – you heard it here first!

    Valentina’s score: La Macédoine10 Points

    Monty – This year Jana has ditched any pretence at bringing something typically Macedonian, but with it I think she brings their best ever chance. Singing a tale of secret, and unrequited, desire this is a breath of fresh air, a cracking pop song with instant widespread appeal. There’s a terrific video to match, with an older woman escaping into a dream world of not-to-be memory through virtual reality goggles, a brief but bittersweet respite from the lonely drudge of her pitiful existence. It would be terribly sad were it not for the defiant resilience of Jana’s lyrics.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 12 Points

    Malta – Claudia Faniello – Breathlessly

    Mo – I enjoyed the video much more than the song. Though really, don’t text and drive, kids. It’s wrong.

    Mo’s score: 0 Points

    Phil – I was at the National Final in Malta when Kewkba took the place by storm. I half expected Claudia Yellowfanny to go ahead and come second. How silly did I look? My-turn-itis hit the Maltese with a passion. Claudia will emote the socks off this song. The thing is, she’s not singing for the hometown votes now. She’s lumbered with a ballad that wouldn’t have been out of place in the Eirovision years of the mid 90’s. The rhyming dictionary has had a good old dusting down, but the song takes too long to build. By the time it does, its three minutes are almost over, and that’s the problem – it does nothing and doesn’t inspire.

    Phil’s score:  żewġ punti, 2 Points

    Valentina – To echo Phil’s sentiments about the Maltese final, I was never going to get behind any song that wasn’t Kewkba. That beautiful Maltese aria was a potential winner. Breathlessly is lacklustre at best. Oh Malta, why is it you can storm Junior Eurovision, but Eurovision itself seems to be forever out of your grasp?

    Valentina’s score: Le Malte – 1 Point (I put 2 originally, then remembered Kewkba again…)

    Monty – The clip is a good one, telling in reverse the story of her enacting an angry revenge on her man who’s been carousing with another woman. Here she plays demented brilliantly, but it’s in the interspersed cuts that she overcooks it, laying on the overblown emotion despite aiming for a subtler portrayal. The slightly too dramatic arm movements, smoky long-held gaze, and appearing on the cusp of an orgasm that never quite comes will be very off putting should she try it when the camera’s more trained on her on stage. Ultimately after all these years waiting in the wings it’s all a little disappointing song-wise that she’s finally won the big prize with this, but after being patient all these years I hope she fully embraces her moment in the spotlight and makes the most of it.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 6 Points

  • Eurovision Countdown 2017 – Part 4

    Eurovision Countdown 2017 – Part 4

    It’s time for part four of our 2017 Eurovision Song Contest preview party. ‘The one where they finished talking about the first semi-final’ in ‘Friends’ speak. Who are our early favourites and which songs seem destined for the dumpster? Obviously, we know nothing, but that isn’t going to stop us having our say. Nor should you let it stop you. The ‘reply’ function is made just for this.

    Today, it’s the fourth (and final) part of the first semi-final. We’ll hear these songs on 9 May.

    Read part one of this semi-final here
    Read part two of this semi-final here
    Read part three of this semi-final here

    Czech Republic  – Martina Bárta – My turn

    Phil – Nice voice – shame about the song.  It’s one of those “walking” beat type of songs that lilts along quite nicely but it doesn’t really have any substance, if we’re honest and that’s a shame.

    Phil’s Score : 4 Points

    Mo – The video is a bit … weird, but I suspect it’s meant to celebrate diversity. Martina has a lovely voice – if a tad heavy on the accent – but she’s been lumbered with an absolute dog of a song. Like the sort of thing Portugal flopped with ten years ago.

    Mo’s score: 2 Points

    Valentina – Oh poor Czechia… I really thought after last year we were getting somewhere with your qualification record! Martina has a fantastic voice, but this song is just dirge… and boring dirge at that. What were they thinking?

    Valentina’s score: La République Tchèque2 Points (for trying, if failing miserably)

    Monty – From the very, very first time I heard that clunking repetition in the opening line of this song I’ve been bored to tears with it. Martina is already beleaguered by having a ballad in a year there’s too many of them vying for the same votes, but she’s also beset by one that’s as dull as ditchwater and never even threatens to be interesting. It must be terribly dispiriting to know you’ve got the biggest gig of your life but you’ve been saddled with such a duffer of a song.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review here

    Monty’s score: 0 Points

    Cyprus – Hovig – Gravity

    Phil –  I listened to this at work this afternoon and sadly it passed me by. Lord G:Son has had better songs in the contest for better countries that are not desperate enough for his services. This seems to be a bit rubbish, and just drifts past, much as I expect it to do at a European level.

    Phil’s Score: 3 Points

    Mo – I’ve heard this at Eurovision way too many times. It’s tired and formulaic. G:Son appears to have passed his peak and has chosen to dump one of his lesser efforts on Cyprus. I’ve tried to like it, but I can’t work up any excitement.

    Mo’s score: 2 Points

    Valentina – I disagree with these miseries – I quite like this one! OK so it’s unlikely to win, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the beat. And I think this kind of song will go down well in the hall, regardless of whether it qualifies or not.

    Valentina’s score: Le Chypre6 Points

    Monty – He’s got everything he could have hoped for lined up: with his Armenian descent, Swedish songwriter, and the traditional Hellenic love-in with Greece he could notch up both jury and televoting 12s from all three nations who perform alongside him on the Tuesday night. So that just leaves the song then. This is where I feel he falls down. It’s not unpleasant by any stretch, but it suffers from being neither nowt nor something. Its mid-tempo beat pulses with a sense of marching forward, but it never feels like we’re being driven somewhere truly exciting. Competition for qualification feels like it’s going to be tough this year, and Hovig might need a little more than the support of friendly votes to help him through.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review here

    Monty’s score: 6 Points

    Armenia – Artsvik – Fly with me

    Phil – It’s almost like the Armenians have run out of ideas and have decided to go all generic pop. This has hardly any redeeming features, apart from possibly the outfits in the single camera video. Artsvik also seems to have her bun tied rather too tightly, as it’s clearly stretched her facial skin. But it’s the song that matters and that happens to be incredibly disappointing. It sets itself up to be the sort of big ethic number that the fanz are used to, but ends up being a somewhat damp (Turkish style) squib. Totally forgettable, but clearly the only one in its genre.

    Phil’s score: A facelifting 6 Points

    Mo – Eurovision this year is terribly generic. There’s little in the way of ethnic bangers, so we should thank Artsvik for filling a rather obvious gap. The video looks to have cost tuppence to make, but it gives a good idea of the staging. It will stand out and it’s certainly coming from a woman with a decent set of pipes on her. Its biggest failing is that whilst it’s terribly engaging, you’ve forgotten it the very second it ends.

    Mo’s score: 6 Points

    Monty – The music has a nebulous quality, almost minimalist in places, as do the lyrics, making both sound and interpretation difficult (deliberately?) to pin down. Still, I can’t read anything obviously anti-Azerbaijani about it so at least it’s not another last-minute political scandal: I’m not sure Jon Ola Sand could cope at this stage. I’m really drawn to it, even though I can’t quite work it out. There’s something that makes you want to listen to it, and then listen to it again. It’s all the better that it’s not easily defined. But will a quirky rhythm and an off-beat sound be enough? I would think so, for qualification, but I’m nothing if not intrigued to see how this is staged and how well it does.

    Read Monty’s full Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 12 Points

    Valentina – Armenia kept us waiting with baited breath for this entry and once it was revealed I was… utterly confused. I’m fairly sure the only lyric is “eeeeeeeeeeeeee” and a cluster of other weird vowel sounds… but yet it’s strangely hypnotic! I think that as this song is a bit of an acquired taste, it’s the kind of thing that staging will be crucial. Either it’ll be stunning and catapult Armenia into the final, or leave it languishing in the semis. Curious to see what the rest of the continent makes of it!

    Valentina’s score: L’Arménie8 Points

    Slovenia – Omer Naber – On my way

    Mo – This sounds like the stuff Ireland kept sending in the mid naughties. It’s a proper legs apart, near flawless performance of a very dated song. Ten years ago, it might have done OK, but really, this feels destined for the reject bin. It’s a shame as given what else is on offer in this round, I actually ended up wanting little Omar to be in with a  shout.

    Mo’s score – 5 Points

    Valentina – Is Mr Naber the only Slovene with permission to enter Ukraine? Seems so! I know I’m in a minority liking this song. Yes, it does sound like the finale from a West End stage show (and not one of the best calibre at that!) but I like that kind of sound! Opinion seems firm that this won’t make it into the final, and sadly I agree.

    Valentina’s score: La Slovénie 7 Points

    Phil – Apparently I am the last one to review this … So I got told by Mo.  My first issue was “Why are people trying to win a contest in the wrong decade all of a sudden?” Clearly people have caught the so-called BBC disease but this song is so dated it could have entered EMA 1993 and probably won. Omar can sing, but this is cliche-ridden and just so old-fashioned. Having said that, though, he can hit the notes and they are all in the right order which is a bonus … but even he can’t polish this turd, surely?

    Phil’s score: 2/6 in old money – in decimal 4 Points

    Latvia – Triana Park – Line

    Phil – It’s nothing other than background filler on an album, and that is the kiss of death when it comes to Eurovision.  I can see where it will get its votes from: the hipster portion of the audience.  Contrary to Mo’s comment, it does have a hook … but the rest of the song is built so heavily around it that it does just melt into the background. It has nothing that makes it stand out or say “vote for me”, which means people won’t and no matter how good it can be, if it scores nothing, it goes nowhere.

    Phil’s score: 3 Points – because I couldn’t remember it

    Mo – This sort of reminds me of that Slovenian song with the girl who never took off her headphones, except that one had a chorus and Triana Park rely on a range of alternative head ware. Sadly, that’s about the most interesting thing about this. It’s so lacking in hook that I forgot it was even on. I’ve heard this sort of tripe played in achingly trendy bars early evening before the grown-ups take over. I don’t expect to hear it twice in Eurovision week.

    Mo’s score: 1 Point

    Valentina – Bleh… I actively dislike this song. Firstly, it sounds like a (bad) carbon copy of a recent song in the charts that I didn’t care much for either. Secondly, it’s just so so bland and uninteresting. Even the whole rave look and set up of it just feels so forced. Supernova has sent some great songs to Eurovision in recent years, but if it were down to me I’d be leaving this in the semi.

    Valentina’s score: La Lettonie – 0 Points

    Monty – I’m surprised when it comes to the preview videos at how much I like this. It’s cleverly shot so as not to have to show her singing through much of it, and to have her delivering some carefully choreographed moves at others. It’s turned into a very fine slice of dance music that will bring the EuroClub alive. But that’s on the record. Triana Park has to pull this off live without any studio tweaks, retakes or editing. I’m going to believe that Agnese has it in her, as now I’ve warned to it I want this to do well, not least because I’ve got the spunky drummer in my eye (and you know how much that stings) and I’d like a second look at him on the Saturday.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 10 Points

  • Eurovision Countdown 2017 – Part 3

    Eurovision Countdown 2017 – Part 3

    It’s only us, your ever helpful OnEurope preview party go-ers. We’re back to spew forth our thoughts on the songs competing in the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest. We like to think that we trump all those professional shows, mainly because we’re not afraid to swear should the occasion merit – and fuck, but this year it does. 

    One day, you’ll remember where you were when you first uncovered our Countdown ‘shows’.

    Today, it’s the third part of the first semi-final. We’ll hear these songs on 9 May.

    Portugal – Salvador Sobral – Amar pelos dois

    Phil– This is a very rare beast indeed. A song, in a contest of songs, that isn’t written by Swedes, that’s performed in it’s native language by someone who had it written by his sister. It connects with the audience from second 1 to second 180.  It harks back to a time where a song just needed to be sung. Salvador makes me cry because of the simplicity and rawness of the performance, and yet some “tweens” on the net have gone as far as to say this is “hideous”. I say look at the title of the contest. This is a SONG, not a show, or a performance, or Swedish, or Schlager. It’ll walk out of its semi final (and I will be standing and cheering and clapping and crying). If there is any justice, it will melt the hearts of all those who believe the contest is just pap.  This is not pap. This.Is.Beautiful

    Phil’s score: There is only one score it can get … 12 Points

    Mo – This really confuses me. It absolutely grabs every ounce of my attention, it aches with beauty, I’ve rarely seen a more captivating performance. And then I remember this is Eurovision 2017. If the world tips on an unusual axis for just three minutes in May, it could storm the board, but I can’t see it myself. Shame. Because it should.

    Mo’s score: 8 Points

    Valentina – I have to agree with Mo here. It’s a very classical, elegant sound and Salvador sings it beautifully, but my biggest fear is that it sounds hugely dated. Why didn’t they send this calibre of entry back when this style of music was very much in? From a purely personal standing, it’s not my favourite song this year. But I can and do appreciate the poetry of the performance and it’s a dead cert to qualify. Could this be Portugal’s year at last? Wouldn’t that be lovely!

    Valentina’s score: Le Portugal, 6 Points

    Monty – As much as I love this, and as much as I’d love it to finish in the top 5 or even – whisper it (no, don’t tempt fate) – there’s a hesitancy in me. This is so Portuguese it’s easy to see how it appealed domestically, and to those of us with a Lusitanian bent. But I’m not convinced it’s going to have quite the same support internationally, however charming Salvador can be. It’s up there near the top of my leader board, but I can equally see it struggling to connect sufficiently to get out of the semis.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 12 Points

    Greece – Demy – This is love

    Phil – This is just your bog standard Euroclub stomper, which most broadcasters believe Europe likes. As Cascada proved, you can’t enter any old disco shit and expect people to vote for it. This is very run of the mill disco with an average performance and it doesn’t do a lot musically. There’s a very weak ending.  For me, this will get a Cascada-style result … if it gets to the final but even that isn’t nailed on.

    Phil’s score:  An average 4 Points

    Mo – Before I heard a note, it was obvious this was going to be a better song than the bucket of shite ERT chucked at the stage last year. I’d heard so much about what an engaging personality Demy has, and how she knows how to work the stage. My expectations were high. And perhaps she’s better live, because there’s nothing like that on show in this video. ‘This is love’ comes over here as a fairly charmless, workmanlike slice of generic pop. The verse and build far outweigh the dreary chorus. It just isn’t doing it for me. And I did want it to.

    Mo’s score: 5 Points

    Valentina – Oh the hype! Oh the expectation… oh the let down… I’m sorry, for someone who usually loves Greek Eurovision entries (even last year’s debacle grew on me somewhat!) I struggle to find anything in this that I like. It sounds like it’s trying to be pop, trying to be a ballad… and in the end, it results in being a wash out. Such a shame…

    Valentina’s score: La Grèce4 Points

    Monty – It starts by fooling you into thinking it might be a ballad but ratchets up a gear for the chorus into a pop stomper, the like of which is most welcome against all the ballads the women are churning out this year. There’s nothing ground breaking here, and there are several more contemporary pop songs on show, but there’s a comforting familiarity and for the duration of its three minutes it perks me up no end. We know the Greeks can throw all the bells, whistles and shirtless wonders they can muster at their staging, so there’s every reason to hope that this will be a jolly burst of telly and a hit in the EuroClub.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 10 Points

    Poland – Kasia Moś – Flashlight

    Phil – Poland will, as is proved on previous occasions, hit the televote running and score a bazillion points, but this year the juries may well like its pomposity. It’s full of self-confidence to the point of obnoxiousness, and Kasia (and TVP) clearly think they just need to turn up to get a result like last year. Bad news is that Michel Spack had friends all over the shop because he was known in his home country. I fear that Kasia isn’t. Ballad, big, brooding … and bollocks. It should qualify because of its diaspora and chums, but not because of the song, which is sub-par and something that has been done to death.

    Phil’s score: 4 Points

    Mo – Poland always seem to score more than I think they deserve, and I expect this year to be no exception. It starts out really badly, but I did end up sort of liking/tolerating it. Even if it oozes pretension. ‘Flashlight’ feels like it has a pulse which is a massive plus in what must surely be the drabbest semi-final in Eurovision history.

    Mo’s score: 6 Points

    Valentina – To echo both Phil and Mo, this is going to score well whether it deserves to or not. Almost feels pointless critiquing it in that respect! I’m not a fan. I can’t find a hook into this song to like it on any level. Poland has sent some fantastic Eurovision entries over the years. Sadly this is not one of them.

    Valentina’s score: La Pologne 3 Points

    Monty – Kasia has a dramatic ballad with lush string arrangements. She’s doing the archetypal Eurovision rhyme: fire, desire – only she’s adding in a higher, and – wait for it – a wire as well! She’s had a hand in the lyrics and you can tell she’s pleased with herself about that one. I’m just a bit bored by it. If she was representing another country I’d say she’d struggle, especially being in the first semi-final with four other female ballads to beat.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 4 Points

    Moldova – SunStroke Project – Hey, Mamma!

    Phil –  This will be remembered for one thing and one thing only: “Epic sax guy“. Cue gazillions of YouTube videos rick-rolling him. However as no one will have seen the preview video, a bit of that will have been lost. It’s uptempo and makes you smile and is guaranteed 20 points from Romania (Switzerland getting the 24 as she IS Romanian). It’ll be all over the stage like a rash but it really is just a low budget average pop song that is a one trick pony, but what a trick!

    Phil’s score: an epic 5 Points

    Mo – Does he sing ‘you will never have but to finger me’? It’s a thankfully jolly song that feels welcome in among all the earnest soundalikes. That doesn’t make it good. It will most likely qualify (and then sink without trace) as it’s at least entertaining. And it does have the daftest video.

    Mo’s score: 4 Points

    Valentina – Hurrah! Something a bit upbeat in this semi! I think this was selected purely on the hype and popularity that surrounded SunStroke Project after Oslo. It’s not a bad song per say, but for me it does exude lazy writing. Very much a “we know you’ll love whatever we send, so here’s a track shoe horned around a saxophone sound so what’s-his-name can boogie to it” kind of affair. Still, it’s an enjoyable ditty either way 😉

    Valentina’s score:  La Moldavie6 Points

    Monty – It’s got a knowing charm and cheekiness to it, with an upbeat tune and the return of Epic Sax Man, lending it that familiar SunStroke Project trademark sound. I like this a lot. It’s about time straight people came and had some playful fun at Eurovision, we can’t keep a monopoly on it for the queers. Will it revive flagging Moldovan fortunes, seeking their first qualification since Aliona Moon in 2013? I hope so. They have a later semi-final 1 draw and will stand out as a bit of fun amid all those ballads, but it’s not going to mount a serious challenge should it get to the final.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 8 Points

    Iceland – Svala – Paper

    Phil –  Initially, this song can be describes as something of a bore-fest with a one word song “paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaper” set to a three-minute backing track. She also looks a bit weird which may (or may not) be the actual issue with the whole package. Her father Bo entered in 1995 with an infinitely better number.

    Phil’s score: a confusing 3 Points

    Mo – The fanz were banging on about this for months, so I was expecting big things. No sooner was it picked for Kiev, than everyone seemed to stop caring. I get the Sia comparisons, but the songwriters feel to be trying too hard to pick and mix ‘stuff that sells’. ‘Paper’ lacks personality. The lyric is laughably bad. And to top it all, Svala runs out of steam half a minute before the song actually ends – never a good thing. If ever I’ve heard a song destined to under perform, then this is it.

    Mo’s score: 2 Points

    Valentina – Now this is an odd one… I want to like it, particularly because of the story and message behind the song. But the delivery isn’t great, a touch repetitive and drawn out. Yes, I suppose it does sound contemporary and I know it has a solid fan base. But if last year’s song couldn’t get Iceland into the final, I’m not convinced this will fare much better…

    Valentina’s score: L’Islande5 Points

    Monty – Svala has an electronica sound that’s perfectly passable as an entry, but is never exactly exciting. A fashionista with an interesting collection of tattoos, Svala has, it would suggest, the opportunity to be styled anywhere on a scale from cutting edge to Barbara Dex. It’s something I fancy could be key to how well she sells her performance, as this could easily be a third year stuck in the semis if she looks too naff.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 5 Points

  • Eurovision 2017 ‘Seven months behind schedule on the first day’

    Eurovision 2017 ‘Seven months behind schedule on the first day’

    Nobody can deny the road to the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest has been rocky. What with mass resignations, problems with tickets, entry bans and a political storm, the last thing you need is to be months behind schedule.

    The latest video update from the official contest site paints a picture of everything running to plan. Jon Ola Sand strolls around in his hard hat, inspecting progress and looking satisfied. The blog maintained by the team who have to build  the installation tells a different story.

    Head of Production Ola Melzig, who has worked on twelve contests to date,  is posting regular updates from Kiev. In his first report, he notes that his team have a huge hill to climb.

    “This is normally a job that you start with a couple of weeks after you’ve won Eurovision,” he says. “But due to circumstances that I don’t necessarily want to describe here, I didn’t hit the ground running until mid January 2017, so, seven months behind schedule on the first day at work.

    “I’m gonna be quite honest with you, with the creative ambition of this show, and the time frame given to me and my team, this is nothing but mission impossible and a suicidal task.”

    But before everyone starts to fret and suggest the EBU is secretly planning to relocate the contest to Berlin (alternative facts spread by a Russian site), Melzig asks “Will we make it? HELL YES!”

    Follow progress here.

  • Eurovision Countdown 2017 – Part 2

    Eurovision Countdown 2017 – Part 2

    We’re still here – unlike the Russians if you believe what you read everywhere. OnEurope’s pundits continue to delight with ill-informed ramblings about the songs competing in the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest. We know you can do better. We know you’ll accuse us of bias and being dreadfully unfair, but we also don’t care. We’re buying eggs to smear down our faces already.

    Today, it’s the second part of the first semi-final. We’ll hear these songs on 9 May.

    Read Part 1 of this semi final here
    Read part 3 of this semi final here

    Belgium – Blanche – City lights

    Phil – I don’t actually know what to make of this song.  It sounds like something else (and I’m sure one of you will tell me what it is) and when I realised that it was Blanche and not The Script singing, I couldn’t match the voice with the girl in the video.  They also clearly have council estates in Brussels as well, given this is filmed in one, but the song just passes me by. It doesn’t have anything to hook me, and it sounds a bit uninspiring, like she’s going through the motions. There are people that like this a lot. Sadly, though, I can’t appreciate the song as for me, it’s just three minutes of droning.

    Phil’s score: a monotonic 2 Points 

    Mo – It’s terribly Lana del Ray, Mr Phil. It’s probably one of the few songs I can see me listening to post contest this year. I love the build, and I’m assured she’s quite decent live – although at the London Eurovision thingy recently, people used the phrase ‘rabbit in the headlights‘. This is all going to come down to the staging. ‘City Lights’ is one of the few songs I find myself humming tunelessly, much to the chagrin of Mr Fanning. Remember Lena dumbfounded the old ‘uns with her song a few years back. Blanche could do much the same.

    Mo’s score: 10 Points

    Valentina –  I’m pretty much between Phil and Mo here (easy!) Part of me listens to this song and thinks it’s just dull electronic noise, but on another listen I’m left feeling that there maybe more to it. Monotone it might be, but it’s a simple and does worm its way into your mind… I suspect this will be one to watch on the night. I think a friend described it best by saying “this is what I imagine Berlin sounds like at 1am” – actually a very succinct summary!

    Valentina’s score: Le Belgique – 5 Points 

    Monty – The song bids a leap of faith: is her lover ready to commit and take that big step forward together? It’s delivered with a bit of understated electronica which creates a terrific mood that’s a most welcome addition to this year’s line-up. Like others handed this gig so early in their careers though Blanche is something of an unknown quantity on such an enormous stage as Eurovision. Her Voice Belgique was somewhat short-lived and from clips I’ve dug out she doesn’t seem to be the most engaging of performers so this is going to need to be well thought through when it comes to how it’s staged. Ultimately that could be the factor that makes or breaks it, but for now, on the audio, this is to be fully enjoyed.

    Read Monty’s full Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 10 Points

    Montenegro – Slavko Kalezić – Space

    Phil – Charlie says “never cross the road with strangers” … Phil also says “never listen to songs like this”. If Billy Butlin was alive today he’d realise that his camp was not as good as this. I don’t even know where to begin with how much I personally hate this song but, it’s not what I like it’s what they like. Slavko is clearly angling towards one particular constituency, but there is more than the poofs that watch a Tuesday night semi final, and if the lyrics aren’t a metaphor for bumming then I don’t know what is.

    Phil’s Score: a haemorrhoid-inducing 1 Point

    Mo – I never really got the whole Paul Oskar thing way back when. This is down there with it. He might as well get his knob out and be done with it. I’m sure I’ll hear it in the sort of dodgy bars I tend to frequent and convince myself I like it, but sitting here on a dull March afternoon, I don’t. It feels like the sort of song that works in the studio and that will look a shit storm on telly. And that’s twice I’ve used dubious language now. Sorry.

    Mo’s score: 6 Points

    Valentina – I would say “Get behind me, Satan!” but I’m pretty sure I don’t want him anywhere near me, let alone behind me!! I felt physically uncomfortable listening to this song for the first time and the lyrics make me cringe. I’m sure the performance will be something outrageous/graphic/censored and I suspect that while this may get votes in huge numbers from the public, the juries will try to bludgeon it to death in the semi. You’ve got your suit on – I’ve got my rape alarm.

    Valentina’s score: Le Monténégro – 5 Points

    Monty – The heavily sexualised imagery is justified by the lyrical content, which is gloriously, unabashedly celebratory about shagging. It oozes dodgy metaphor from every pore: wet dreams, explosions, and an invitation to come into him from within. I’m just about to stage a sexual health intervention warning of the risks with barebacking when Slavko reassures us he “has his suit on, no need to worry” which I’m taking to believe means he’s all rubbered up. And all this over a fantastic dance beat giving us one of the most ridiculous but unashamedly queer entries in years. I fucking love it!

    Read Monty’s Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 12 Points

    Finland – Norma John – Blackbird

    Phil – Seven songs in and this is not a classic song, but it is wrist-slittingly beautiful. The songs titular subject does get some abuse in this song: don’t sing there, go away, I love you, don’t sing … It’s like the new RSPB hate anthem! What it does have, however, is a melancholic tinge, and a preview video about suicide (it seems). I suspect it won’t get very far in a contest context.

    Phil’s score: An artery spurting 2 Points

    Mo – Fans always seem to favour Finland more than seems right and this year is no exception. That said, YLE have entered much worse. Out of context -away from Eurovision – I see some appeal in a Clannad/Mary Black sort of market. This little birdie may just about poke its head above the qualification line given some of the utter shite surrounding it. It’s the kind of song I can see myself losing interest in very quickly on the night, a sort of ‘pass me those crisps’ song.

    Mo’s score: A bird-brained 4 Points

    Valentina – Now this is stunning. Yes, it is a morose little ditty and will have jilted lovers across Europe sobbing into their sofa cushions come May (or possibly leaping from their windows…) but if you’re a fan of dark ballads, then you’re in for a real treat! My one critique would be that I’d like to see a little more of a key change or crescendo at the end, but other than that it’s sublime. Have no idea what song Phil and Mo were listening too…

    Valentina’s score: La Finlande – 10 Points

    Monty – The poignancy of the song could lend itself to a darker interpretation, in much the same vein as A Monster Like Me. This is gorgeous! Leena’s vocals are beautiful, and as the song progresses Lasse’s sublime piano break adds something extra special. I don’t know if this will have enough appeal to have a stab at a second victory for Finland, but I hope it does. It deserves as high a Finnish finish as it can get.

    Read Monty’s Countdown review here

    Monty’s score: 12 Points

    Azerbaijan – Dihaj – Skeletons

    Phil – She’s emptied them all out of her cupboards and has come up with a good one. The song is written by one of the people that wrote “Running Scared”, but this one is much better. A proper pop song that hasn’t been over produced. Looks like kneehigh Dihaj can sing it live too. I like the chorus, but the middle eight is a bit pointless, and could have been made more of. Overall, it’s got a decent shout at the top ten on merit, rather than by having its friends help it.

    Phil’s score: Her thigh bone is connected to her … knee bone … 7 Points

    Mo – Can’t help but love the drama of this one – and sure, there is a touch of the Robbie Williams Rhyming Dictionary going on here, but it’s never done him any harm has it? Perhaps the chorus could have been stronger, the verses promised so much more. The end really works for me. I’d stick my neck out and say this will be in there on the big night. My only slight (really slight) reservation is whether Dihaj and her alternative look fits with what is at heart quite a traditional pop song. Another one where staging could make or break.

    Mo’s score: dem bones, dem bones 10 Points

    Valentina – Now this one blew me away from the first listen. Dark, sultry, edgy… this is easily the best Azeri entry for a good few years and I’m confident it’ll do well in the final. My one *tiny* gripe with this song is the final line “I’m a skeletons”…. having a fantastic Eurovision entry is no excuse for poor grammar 😉

    Valentina’s score: L’Azerbaïdjan 8 Points

    Monty – Dihaj (Diana Haciyeva) is almost unrecognisable from her attempt to represent Azerbaijan in 2011, which included an appearance where Elnur Huseynov appeared from a Christmas present to cavort around Diana and mumble some backing vocals. Then she covered Lady Gaga and Ukraine’s Alyosha, but now she’s giving us a slice of modern pop that without the dreaded Eurovision tag wouldn’t sound out of place in the UK charts. I don’t think it’s strong enough to tilt for a win, but it’s another strong and solid entry for a country with one of the strongest records in their 10-year history, never missing the final, and with a run of 6 top 10 placings. This could well see them back there this year.

    Read Monty’s full Countdown review

    Monty’s score: 10 Points

  • tl;dr Russia out of Eurovision this year

    tl;dr Russia out of Eurovision this year

    On 22 March, the Ukrainian Security Service barred Russia’s entrant to the Eurovision Song Contest from entering Ukraine. They told Julia Samoylova that she may not enter the country for three years because she broke Ukrainian law by entering Crimea from Russia rather applying for special permission and taking an approved route.

    A further complexity comes from the law banning any performer who breaks this law from appearing on state television.

    The European Broadcasting Union (EBU) has spent the past weeks trying to find a solution, culminating in a letter from EBU Director Ingrid Deltenre to the Ukrainian PM, Vladimir Groisman, asking him to consider an exception. She threatened the Ukrainian state broadcaster with exclusion from future contests, and closed with words about how Eurovision should not be seen as a political event.

    Ukrainian response

    A reply published online today by Ukrainian State TV condemns Deltenre and asks that she respect the right of Ukraine to make its own laws. It also questions her threat to ban the country from future contests. The broadcaster accuses her of hypocrisy by making a political decision to back Russia.

    Speaking in Riga today, Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko also defended the ban, saying admitting her would be against the law.

    “Russia didn’t want to participate in Eurovision but wanted a provocation,’ he said. “I’m pleased that thanks to the actions of the Ukrainian government this provocation will not be realised.”

    It is the EBU that allowed politics to dominate by picking a side. There can be little doubt that when choosing Samoylova, Moscow knew she had performed in Crimea. She should have appeared on a list of banned performers compiled by Ukraine. But they did a shoddy job and she didn’t. And so they put her forward. With the deadline for submissions fast approaching, a rough demo tape arrived of a singer barely able to pronounce the words of her song.

    Whatever we might want to think, the fact Julia performs in a wheelchair seems to have been key to the Russian plan. Media outlets need a simple hook for news stories. Their readers don’t care for the intricacies of international law. The angle was obvious. Big bad Ukraine bans defenceless wheelchair user. Samoylova herself gave smiling interviews where she wondered out loud what threat Ukraine saw in ‘a little girl’. (She’s actually 27). Things played out much as Moscow intended.

    The perfect storm

    The storm is doubtless seen by Moscow as a perfect revenge for last year when the EBU, against all advice, chose to allow Ukraine to enter ‘1944’ a song about the deportation of Crimean Tatars by Russia. It raised hackles long before the contest took place. Even now, the EBU insists they don’t see the song as political, rather it dealt with something historical.

    Politically (sorry EBU), Moscow has played a blinder. If Ukraine had allowed Samoylova in, it would have been seen to break its own laws and the move could be used in any international court to infer recognition of Russian rights over Crimea. When Ukraine banned her, their international reputation took a hit – it’s a piece of Eurovision history that will stick. If they had responded favourably to Deltenre’s frankly idiotic letter, their government would have been painted as a stooge for ‘the west’.

    It was Deltenre who wrote to the Prime Minister rather than the head of Ukrainian State TV. It’s worth noting that Groisman didn’t reply. The answer came from the Supervisory Board at the broadcaster. She chose to raise the stakes. He lowered them.

    Is there anywhere left for this to go? The EBU could, in theory, ask Russia to find a different performer, arguing this is a ‘song’ contest after all.

    EBU Senior Communications officer Dave Goodman told Russian news agency TASS on Wednesday that the debate over Samoylova’s entry ban was not yet over. “We will have another communication in the coming days,” he said.

    Next year

    And as for next year? Channel 1 Russia has already announced they plan to send Samoylova again. And of course, Ukrainian law bans their state broadcaster from transmitting her performance. Eurovision rules forbid any country from not showing all entrants. Lebanon was denied entry in 2005 when they refused to show the Israeli song.

    So perhaps the EBU have their job done for them Ukrainian TV will they exclude itself.

    And what about 2019? Maybe the EBU will (for once) stick to its guns and deny a place for a few years – after all the 2017 contest has been beset by problems. And they’ve already suggested which country they seem to favour.

    It’s a soap set to run and run.