A Moment like Give Me Your Love with Your Heartbeat

Chanée & N'evergreen placed high in Oslo.
Chanée & N'evergreen placed high in Oslo. Photo: Giel Domen (EBU)

We could be in Sweden right now, but we are actually in Denmark who have decided to adopt the very worst style of Swedish schlager for their entry this year. Our gruesome twosome caress the screen at the start much like their video silhouetting either side. Looks more like a scene from The Ring to me. Some of the notes are way off at this stage. They clearly want to indulge in a bit of Carola style shouting “a moment like THES”.

This embodies everything that was bad about the 80’s and should have stayed there instead of being dredged up by this pair that taste forgot. There’s no warmth coming from either of them. Our male singer looks like he’d rather be picking his arse he’s so bored. They look like they think they’ve got it in the bag and don’t have to bother.

It’s entirely possible that it will qualify purely because it’s so middle of the road that it will attract votes from people frightened by some of the more extreme performers, but if their head of delegation is watching this performance, they ought to be worried by it’s lack of lustre.

They’ve introduced their second gimmick in the last performance which is they they both stand on moving squares and roll to opposite ends of the stage. Pity it stops when it gets to the end of the stage.

They irritate me so much that I just want to punch them and they both have very punchable faces. I sincerely hope that they don’t qualify but very much fear that they will.

Phil: The Danes are worrying me… They started at 12.30 local time and have spent 26 minutes of their 40 getting the screen right between the singers and telling N’evergreen where to stick his hands on shadows…. am virtually certain they will start shortly.

N’evergreen is in a sailor suit which could be his civvies I guess but when he starts to sing, they are exposed. The start of the song is in too low a key for him and there is a forced chemistry between them which is painful and, they are clearly going through the motions. He has a face like a smacked behind and hardly ever looks at Chanee throughout any of the rehearsals which is either a sign of tension and they then just tried to hit the high notes at the end of the song and failed by a couple of keys to make the note.

It may be a rehearsal, but it looks all shades of wrong with a capital wrong.

Nick: £5, 5.50, Bet365, Denmark not to qualify…

….and then come back here to review the rehearsal. They’re having a shocker, seriously. Unlike my esteemed colleague, I don’t have a GCSE in Music, but something’s going hideously wrong in the tuning issues stylee. Chanee, particularly, is all over the shop – not that Tom’s doing a great deal to save the situation.

It’s only first rehearsal, but this semi’s brutal and there’s no room for error if you want to come out the other side into the bright shining light of the Saturday show. They just seem like they’re competing with each other, and not in a good way. Not a pleasant rehearsal at all.