Twenty of ‘the best’ from Eurovision

Obviously, I’m a tone-deaf idiot with little appreciation of a tune, but this won’t stop me compiling and sharing my TOP 20 of all-time winners from the Eurovision Song Contest. As a side-note, the songs I like rarely trouble the winner’s enclosure, so this hasn’t been easy. Barrel bottoms were scraped.

20. “Vivo cantando” – Salomé (Spain, 1969)
Tied with three others because Eurovision once ran out of rules and pens. She dressed like a sentient lampshade and still sang like her next plate of tapas depended on it. Drums were a bit high in the mix on the big night, but that’s an orchestra for you.

19. “Un banc, un arbre, une rue” – Séverine (Monaco, 1971)
The song equivalent of looking out a rainy window and sighing softly. A tiny country’s giant bid for melancholy Eurovision immortality.

18. “Satellite” – Lena (Germany, 2010)
Awkward charisma turned full-body twitch into a win. Germany won by acting like it didn’t really care. Deep down, Lena probably didn’t.

17. “Ne partez pas sans moi” – Céline Dion (Switzerland, 1988)
A pre-global Céline belting like her life depended on Swiss neutrality. She wore a Laura Ashley reject puff ball, and still blew everyone else off stage.

16. “Only Teardrops” – Emmelie de Forest (Denmark, 2013)
Flute-core with bare feet and mild Celtic cosplay. Eurovision’s brief flirtation with LARPing and folk-pop fusion.

15. “Rise Like a Phoenix” – Conchita Wurst (Austria, 2014)
Bond theme realness served with beard, ball gown, and boldness. A drag act so regal it made even Graham Norton sit up straight.

14. “Molitva” – Marija Šerifović (Serbia, 2007)
The only Eurovision winner that could double as a courtroom closing argument. No gimmicks, no glitter — just power vocals and barely repressed fury. This pandemic-special video is stunning.

13. “La det swinge” – Bobbysocks! (Norway, 1985)
Fringe, shoulder pads and swing like you’ve never wanted it before. They looked like off-brand soap stars and sang like this week’s bingo had been cancelled.

12. “The Code” – Nemo (Switzerland, 2024)
Eurovision meets multiverse theory via gender expression, opera and breakcore. Somewhere between a philosophy lecture and a glitch in The Matrix.

11. “Après toi” – Vicky Leandros (Luxembourg, 1972)
Lush, dramatic, and sung like she’d just murdered someone and needed a good alibi. A breakup anthem for all women fond of heavy eyeliner and multi-layered chiffon.

10. “Take Me to Your Heaven” – Charlotte Nilsson (Sweden, 1999)
‘ABBA tribute band’ energy but with a fresher hairdo and way better dental work. Sweden phoned it in — and still cleaned up.

9. “Waterloo” – ABBA (Sweden, 1974)
Napoleon lost. Eurovision won. History was rewritten in sequins. The moment four Swedes made disco a military strategy. They improved with time.

8. “Poupée de cire, poupée de son” – France Gall (Luxembourg, 1965)
Gainsbourg writes existential dread for a teenager in a mini-dress. Proof that even yé-yé can win when you dress it up in daddy issues.

7. “Fångad av en stormvind” – Carola (Sweden, 1991)
Wind machine level: biblical. Swedish God botherer Carola screamed her way through a storm and somehow stayed in key. Runners up, the French were not best pleased, having tied for first place until someone checked the rule book.

6. “Love Shine a Light” – Katrina and the Waves (United Kingdom, 1997)
The UK’s final Eurovision gasp before descending into yearly humiliation. A hymn to hope, unity, and the brief illusion that Britain belonged.

5. “Toy” – Netta (Israel, 2018)
Pop empowerment, but make it poultry-themed. Clucked her way through a feminist anthem and somehow it worked.

4. “Tu te reconnaîtras” – Anne-Marie David (Luxembourg, 1973)
A vocal masterclass — if you enjoy being gently bludgeoned by vibrato. She looked like a schoolteacher but sang like a woman with secrets and a passport. This is my karaoke go-to in ‘certain’ bars.

3. “Arcade” – Duncan Laurence (The Netherlands, 2019)
Talking therapy in the form of an operatic piano ballad. Bring tissues and reasons to show regret. Made heartbreak sound like a Spotify playlist and Eurovision almost cool again.

2. “Everyway That I Can” – Sertab Erener (Turkey, 2003)
Belly dancing meets Bond theme with a vengeance. Finally gave Turkey the win by blending drama with abs and an industrial fan.

1. “Si la vie est cadeau” – Corinne Hermès (Luxembourg, 1983)
Life may be a gift, but this one came with elbow-length gloves. Perfect if your idea of a party includes crying over photos of your ex and staring down an imaginary camera.