*taptaptap* Is this thing working? What do you mean, I’m f***ing live? Oh.
Well, as the first wave of rehearsals draws to a close, it’s time to introduce everyone to the 14 songs which have already booked their passage to the Saturday show, by means of being from a) a country which was quite good a year ago, b) a country which pours lots of money into the EBU, or c) Russia.
Once again, odds are the best available as of 16:00 UK time, 15 May, according to oddschecker.com
2) UNITED KINGDOM – Javine – Touch My Fire – 40/1
This is the best UK entry for several years – it is both competent and blessed with a certain amount of X-factor. I hope. It’s awash with a taste of the bazaar and a whiff of the souk, yet with a generous sprinkling of chavviness that could only be Britain 2005. I’m pretty fond, to be honest, but it has that “Hmm, hasn’t this finished yet?” feel that makes three minutes seem a tad too long. I think hopes of a top 10 placing are reasonable and would be entirely satisfactory.
3) MALTA – Chiara – Angel – 16/1
Chiara is sure to bring a huge presence to the Kiev stage. The first thing you’ll notice about her is that she’s, well, hefty. She was hefty when she came third with a weaker song against a stronger field in 1998, and she’s now heftier. Third is normally a bad draw for a ballad, but I could easily imagine Celine Dion having a megahit with this song a few years back. Make no mistake, this one has genuine winning potential.
6) TURKEY – Gulseren – Rimi Rimi Ley – 80/1
It’s been traditional in recent years for the previous year’s host to do really really badly in Eurovision, and TRT seem to have been somewhat proactive in this regard. This one’s very Turkish, but it’s not excessively good (at least in sound only). On the other hand, it has great potential to be lifted up by a honking great Bollywoodesque stage show (insofar as you can be Bollywoodesque with a maximum of six people).
8) ALBANIA – Ledina Celo – Tomorrow I Go – 66/1
There was a little bit of doubt a few days ago whether this would actually compete (dispute between the songwriters and RTSH), but I gather all has turned out well. I can’t make my mind up whether I like it or not – it’s very Eastern European, nicely dramatic but with a “ditty-dah” chorus that I find slightly out of place. Perfectly capable of a good result, but certainly not guaranteed one.
9) CYPRUS – Constantinos – Ela Ela – 33/1
The bookies rate this rather higher than fans do, and my feeling is that the bookies have got it right. There’s a feeling of “anything Sakis can do, I can do too” about it, and it’s definitely in the uptempo Hellenic style that seems to go down well these days. He claims to be the king of the night, and will show you tonight who he is. Hopefully this won’t involve gratuitous removal of clothing items, but I won’t hold my breath!
10) SPAIN – Son de Sol – Brujeria – 50/1
Certain people have told me off for saying that this is like the Ketchup Song (aka Asereje) – but they’re wrong and I’m right. It’s all in the verse, where the whole rapid-fire dadadadadadadada vocal style comes into play to great effect. I rate this, even after the rap fellow comes on midway through and shouts a bit. Not necessarily one to bet on, but it has its chances.
12) SERBIA-MONTENEGRO – No Name – Zauvijek Moja – 35/1
After various shenanigans during the selection procedure, this is considerably more Montenegrin than Serbian, and has been completely reorchestrated since it won Beovizija, to pretty good effect. It used to have a verse, but that’s almost completely disappeared in favour of moody, dramatic Balkan instrumental breaks with lots of drums. Staging holds the key here, and I’m reluctant to guess where it might finish.
14) SWEDEN – Martin Stenmarck – Las Vegas – 40/1
How better to win over the European audience circa 2005 than with a celebration of the worst excesses of American capitalism? It shouldn’t work, but I think young Martin is onto something here. The level of stagecraft in this – even if it’s just a replication of the performance that won Melodifestivalen – is enough to put the rest of Europe to shame. Likely to mop up the UK 12 in the wake of the Amarillo revival, and there might be plenty more besides.
16) UKRAINE – Greenjolly – Razom Nas Bahato – 80/1
Quite, quite bizarre. It’s a very important song to the people of Ukraine, having been one of the anthems of the Orange Revolution last winter, so I guess I ought to show it due deference. Unfortunately, it sounds too much like 80s novelty hit “Stutter Rap” for me to do that. It’ll do huge business in the Palats Sportu, but I don’t think the guys need have many worries about revisiting Kiev next year.
17) GERMANY – Gracia – Run and Hide – 125/1
Germany are trying something a bit different at the moment – sending popular chart acts instead of the usual dubious schlager sound. Unfortunately, it’s not working out – last year Stefan Raab hijacked the process by getting a schlager song into the chart, and this year it’s gone horribly wrong. This single has been banned from the chart, after which Gracia was quoted saying something like “Of course we bought the records ourselves… doesn’t everyone?”. Reasonably credible adult rock, but no real chance of denting the scoreboard.
19) GREECE – Helena Paparizou – My Number One – 5/2
Not for the first time, I’m scared to say a bad word about the Greek entry. Just watch the anonymous comments fly… this is good. I’d even go so far as to say that it’s very good. But I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s an obvious contest winner – it’s all a bit clinical, and I’ve not seen any indication that Helena can come across with the natural warmth that takes a good song over the line into being a great one. No possibility to be outside the top 10, but beyond that… the Greeks DESPERATELY want to win this contest, and that burden of hope and expectation might weigh heavy on Helena’s shoulders.
20) RUSSIA – Natalya Podolskaya – Nobody Hurt No One – 50/1
This is actually not that dissimilar to Germany’s song in style, quite rock chick – but it’s got no baggage to carry. The lyric is actually
quite… angry, almost, which probably won’t do it too many favours in the final shake-up, and the chorus is a bit too repetitive for my tastes. Decent effort though, and might well crack the top half.
21) BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA – Feminnem – Call Me – 23/1
What a difference a promo can make! An 80s Yugopop, sub-ABBA kind of thing that impressed nobody when it won the Bosnian final as Zovi – but then THAT video came out. Whether it was always intended to be the “Happy Anniversary Eurovision” song that it’s been transformed into, I can’t say… but it’s got every chance to light up parties all across Europe. “50 candles on the party cakes for many years of happiness” – if the staging is right, we’re off to Sarajevo next year.
24) FRANCE – Ortal – Chacun Pense A Soi – 100/1
There is a style that I call “Eurovision-modern”, which tends to mean that fans are getting rapturous about how cutting-edge and up-to-date
it all is, whereas I wind up thinking “gosh, it’s a bit late 1980s, isn’t it?”. This is very much of that ilk. It’s actually not at all bad, but it really feels like the wrong song at the wrong time. Plug something like Norway and Iceland into slots 22 and 23, and France will have a struggle on their hands.
And that’s about the size of it! I’ll let the chaps take on the rest of the prediction malarkey from here, because they have (or at least, will have!) seen the songs performed on the Kiev stage and I (like you) haven’t.