Not dead yet… might be by April!

I am alive everyone despite That Monty’s attempt to kill me last night, well this morning. Leaving a venue at 6am is NEVER classy, nor clever!

Highlights for me last night was Conchita doing Cher’s believe and Freaky Fortune and Risky Kidd’s show stopping medleys. I love those boys, such energy on stage and human jukebox Nikolas can sing anything.

So we’ve just witnessed semi one all the way though with a couple technical pauses and de runs of certain segments. Very slick and competent for the first full run through and the presenters are absolutely fine. A few lines fluffed but they are confident and not irritating at all.

The opening segment features the choral montage of Teardrops sent in by viewers all over the world and is projected onto the massive screen and is bloody impressive. A little jibe at Sweden is done nicely highlighting the friendly rivalry between the neighbours. Emellie De Forest is in fine voice and we get to see her hectic year since winning.

I’m not ready to predict the qualifiers yet, barely able to type with hangover and tiredness. I’m going to reveal how each country’s flag is constructed by their respective artists so if you don’t want to know then just skim on by, I know you know how to skim read these posts!

Armenia
Aram uses tapestry for the flag
Powerful today, this is a great opener, in the mix to win

Latvia
Of course a cake flag
Seems very flimsy after Armenia

Estonia
Shipping containers from the flag
Very interesting after Latvia, backing girls carrying the vocal mind

Sweden
Yellow inflatable lilos is a swimming pool
Oozes class, Swedish slickness and kind of leaves Estonia forgettable

Iceland
I couldn’t work out what they made their flag out of
I think they’re sunk after Sanna

We have a break and we are introduced to the Eurovision medal for big hair. It’s a bit naff but good to highlight the history of the contest. You’ll not be surprised to know Jedward win that.

Albania
One of the best flags, Hersi gets a tattoo of the flag motif and adds red plastic, fab
Borderline, I like her and the song but not instant enough

Russia
A mirrors flag construction
Biggest hit today for me, this works

Azerbaijan
Coloured plastic sheets on a roof in Baku for the flag
I had a moment during this, real goosebumps but I think the in the last minute it wanes

Ukraine
Post-it notes on a train platform, great flag
Ok I’m getting this now but the song still post-it notepaper thin

Belgium
Ooh he’s knitting the flag. I’d be mortified
Getting louder and louder this boy.

Moldova
Flag painted onto a pottery jar
This is musically so ugly to me, should be last but Moldova always get some points

San Marino
She’s painting the flag, probably in the Segel summer retreat in San Marino
She’s still entertaining the cruise ship crowd, a bit flat to be honest

Another break now and Jedward win the shoulder pads medal, they’re here apparently as That Monty has just seen them.
The presenter bigs up Portugal coming next and, perhaps importantly, translates Quero Ser Tua into English. Will this help Suzy? Hope so.

Portugal
Suzy paints the flag on her face, fab
Still cheap, still fun.

Netherlands
Tulips in the flag of course
Simplicity and charming, is there are country vote in this contest?

Montenegro
Jigsaw on a piano, nice
Still a beautiful song for me despite the skater trying to bludgeon any lasting melody impression out of this performance.

Hungary
Andras on a Budapest bridge with a Rubik’s cube, clever
This is missing something for me, can’t put my finger on it, it’s dark, not winning

We get the traditional recap before the interval act, Ugly Duckling, a local dance troupe. I don’t like interpretive dance but this uses the stage effects very well and is very nice indeed. We get the usual fluff about Eurovision fans and that we are mainly whoopsie boys. They don’t need to do this every year ploise…..

The shorter recap features the addition of the artists leaving the stage and is a nice touch though some of them whoop whoop in a very disconcerting way.

Whilst the votes are tallied we get a video of a typical day in Copenhagen in a comical way. The little mermaid is transformed into a giant mermaid and some horse shit in the square is covered over with a woman on a stool playing a fiddle. Proof you might not be able to polish a turd but you can cover it up!

It’ll make sense tomorrow night I promise.

That’s your lot. The press centre is much busier today with queues for the coffee and food and they’re busy putting the final tweaks to the venue. Tarmac is appearing as if by magic giant versions of the postcards are lining the way the audience will file in from the boats and buses. Nice touch.

That Monty is dragging me on a boat now to go to the Irish party in an Irish pub, surprise surprise, and the Israeli party in the euroclub. If anyone has a spare liver floating around, please pop it into my pigeon hole.

Rosé