Cyprus
Theo Evan – Shh
Cyprus has reached into the Eurovision goodie bag and pulled out the well-worn tropes: leather harnesses, glistening torsos, breathy come-ons, and a backing track that thinks it’s headlining a 2am Pride afterparty. Unfortunately, Shh lacks the conviction to sell the fantasy.
Theo Evan clearly has vocal ability, but you’d never know it here, buried under a flat production that seems engineered for maximum visual distraction. It’s all tease and no payoff—more Love Island audition than clubland anthem. The end result is a faintly bored shrug in song form, puffed up with dry ice and desperate choreography. Expect oil, shirtlessness, and perhaps a wind machine cranked to ‘regret’.
2 points