And now a bit of Maltese brilliance. A wonderful ballad delivered by a marvellous singer in a brilliant performance…. splut..kerplunk…phat…ah that’s better the mind-bending drugs have worn off because you’d need them to like this..
The truth of the matter is Malta have scoured the five streets of their land for the 10 people who aren’t mute and didn’t duck quick enough to not have to take on the poisoned chalice of representing the island of cheese in Europe’s largest competition.
Thea wears an old purple curtain she nicked from her gran’s and is backed by three similarly berobed ladies of differing heights lined up like the signal bars on a mobile.
The song is the usual Maltese saccharine about how wonderful life is. Thea unwisely raises her arms to the shimmering light behind her showing off all of the many hairs on them. She’s being stalked by a seagull roasting on the barbecue. They overdid the smoke at one stage and unintentionally reproduced the “smoke gets in your eyes” sketch featuring Shirley Bassey and Morecombe and Wise. Eventually she had to break off as she was no longer visible and was choking on the smoke.
This bird is definitely overdone though like many Maltese entries…. come back when you’ve got something worth singing…
Phil: Imagine if you will the closing down sale at your national Verizon of Woolworths. Remember that shady man with the Maltese accent that was in front of you asking for “The Kitchen Sink” – well he’s not only bought it, he stripped it down, stuck it in a feather costume and threw it at Thea Garrett and said ” There you are, love, make something out of that”.
This is, officially, a complete dogs breakfast of a song… It’s not the Champagne breakfast most of Norway had today. Some say (and by some, I mean Keith Mills), that this will qualify and I tend to agree with him – basically because ten songs have to get through … so this might as well.
If we project this to the final, however, it is going to do nothing. Mind you, Europe could well see through this pile of dog excrement and save us from ourselves and not put it through.
The stage crew tried to kill Thea by overdosing her on the dry ice and she really was having trouble breathing …
Nick: Hmm … it’s not quite the comprehensive early morning canine nutrition that my colleagues are saying it is, but there’s a certain amount of draw shenanigans working against this.
10) A clean-cut, good looking Belgian just stands there and sings a nice song about himself and how he wishes he could play with his instrument for cash.
11) A red-haired Maltese woman sings a nice song about her dream of being a new-born star while a big pile of clothes transforms into a bare-chested Maltese man dressed as Big Bird and has a bit of a flap in the background.
Hmm, let me think now.
OK, can’t write, laughing. Leeeetle bit heavy on the smoke machine, there. Try not to kill the competing artistes with smoke inhalation, pls?