LIVE BLOG of The Grand Final Jury show from 2100 CET

...i'm gonna end the live blog cos Nemo and fake voting are the bits of the contest no one wants to watch. 

Thanks to the nearly 1100 pageviews tonight from all over the world - it means so much that people bother to watch what I write. 

If you missed anything, scroll down and there MIGHT be another one tomorrow afternoon!

cos they don't need to be there. 

Alphorn playing in the green room with a real alphornist.... that's not the right words.   

I suspect they are going to get acts to do this tomorrow. 

Baby Lasagne Vs Kaarija in a singing battle

You're definitely watching BBC1

cos we all care about that. 

She's still officially "not coming" and they play the video from Tuesday night with a few more Eurovision inserts.

Who knows what happens tomorrow. 

Recap II  now.

GET THEM ON MY TELEVISION NOW!

This is my ESC - with me singing Io Senza Te 

THEN PAOLA! - Cinema, Cinema in French and German. 

Does it get any better?

Well yes, cos apparently I've let Luca Hanni out of my apartment in Tel Aviv where i've been keeping him prisoner and let him sing for one night!

And then Gjon's tears to ruin an almost perfect ten minutes!

Just our thoughts....

Sweden

Finland

Spain

France

Italy

Austria

Albania

Luxembourg

Netherlands, The

Poland

Israel

Armenia

United Kingdom

Malta

Latvia

Switzerland

Iceland

San Marino

Denmark

Portugal

Greece

Norway

Germany

Lithuania

Ukraine

Estonia

Now as mentioned to the Father of Mr Phil, this is some people's idea of a favourite to win the whole thing.  The withering look across the lounge will never leave me!

He didn't think much of this song, but I know that some of you do but, to me, it's just Albania doing Albanian things.  If you get a woman singing a song, then this would be the audio link on Wikipedia when you choose "Albania in the Eurovision Song Contest". 

This song is like a 10p mixture - you get a bit of everything.  You get the shouty Albanian, you get the scary eastern European Man, you have something for the gays with the dancing and the high notes, you have the change of beat in the middle eight when he looks at her like he's going to take her backstage and have his way.

The only problem, here, is that it's come after a fair few other better songs that your televoter is going to be blinded by in the upcoming recap.  Juries, they have all the boxes ticked.   It's a strange one this and hard to call.  You lot might just be right after all.....

Two more left and San Marino and their  singing member of Eifel 65 are next with a song that any Eurovision fan should be well sick of by now. 

Again - it's another change of pace in this contest that has had more gear changes than a Formula 1 race and, for a certain viewer from the West Midlands - A Push me pull you is in this one - an Accordion for the rest of us.

This song gets old quick, possibly cos it's the last but one and you want to get to the business end of the contest.  It's all bluff and bluster for me. 

That Arena Plus was clearly made so that the 95 tons of cork-that-looks-like-sand can be deposited on Louane's head and body and potentially in her gob and make her cough through this.   I *do* hope that she has a tech foul up so they have to do this again!

She's going for the jury points BUT on the "mamman" between the verses she sounded a bit weaker than she has done - but then in the 2nd verse they sound more like it.  The sands of time effect is really, well, effective but I don't think she has done enough to win the juries over in significant numbers to win the contest - having said that, this is clearly the best performance of this song I have ever seen. 

I hope her mum is proud of her too!

36,000 plus my arse.  More like 100. 

PRAY SILENCE FOR THE WINNERS OF THE CONTEST

At least in mine and several other people's heads and I dont care - with 40 million streams on Spotify in Sweden it can do no wrong (11 weeks at number one in the normal charts as well I hear)

This sounds better than it did earlier in the week because the mix has been changed.   It's everything you would expect the 5/6 favourite to look *and* sound like. 

After the disaster in Malmo last year, to send us back AND break Irelands record with this seems right.

GIVE IT ALL THE POINTS. 

Cos it's bloody brilliant!

I hope all the chocolate related rantings have been hitting the spot this evening. 

This is another song that I really don't understand how on god's earth it qualified.  I guess middle aged ex club go-ers were the intended audience and they happened to be in the televote audience last night.  

It is *still* Cascada's mother doing some rather bad mum dancing and yes, Rylan, she does look like Leticia Dean from EastEnders.

Get out of ma contest!

Europe must have had a collective brain fart to get this through on Tuesday - either that or they really REALLY like simple songs that are slightly off pitch sung by the Portuguese equivalent of Mumford and Sons. 

You can imagine that this is NAPAs kinda vibe and it plays well in Portugal.  Here, though, I didn't know who on earth was going to vote for this and i'm still not sure how many Portuguese are around Europe.   The juries, tonight, are deffo gonna see a nice, if boring as hell, song performed really well with hardly any choreo or whizbangs.....

They are clearly the Spira of this contest. 

Finland

Spain

Italy

Austria

Luxembourg

Netherlands, The

Poland

Israel

Armenia

United Kingdom

Malta

Latvia

Switzerland

Iceland

Greece

Norway

Germany

Lithuania

Ukraine

Estonia

If Erica was too restrained for you, and if she was you need therapy, here is your therapy!

She certainly bounds around the stage whilst pics of women opening their legs are all over the shop.  I still dislike HER for perpetuating lies about the song but hey, any promotion is good promotion in this contest. 

As for the song in this line up.  There are many better songs and I just wonder if this is going tobe a televote heavy song?

Home town cheers for the literal home town girl here.  Zoe produces a quietly understated performance of what is, let's be honest, an average song in the chanson mode in the language *of* the chanson.  Technically impressive with the one camera shot (Provided the stage crew don't fuck it up again) but those jurors are going to have issues here. 

Stage Presence - sorta. Vocal Range - not really shown off.  Visuals - Excellent. Hit Potential? - Only in the French speaking areas. 

Is this going to be too old fashioned for your average televoter?

Survivor is the kind of song where PARG could be singing anything because he has a body that you need to look at - which is lucky because I've had to check the lyrics of this song on more than one occassion in the last three minutes. 

Real people aren't going to have that luxury and, as such, half of the population are going to concentrate on his sweaty abs and the other half are going to go 2 Is he singing about saliva?"

I do love the performance, high energy use of a travellator but I think it's going to be criminally underscored. 

As they oil PARG and his travellator. 

I'm still in shock as to how this piece of rubbish got to the final in the first place, but I won't let that cloud my judgement here - i'm too professional for that!

If Iceland had Red bull and Quality Street to get them up, then the Greek Rider is clearly Curly Whirly and Horlicks because this song sends me to sleep.  Klavida has a voice that is more akin to a lullaby than this song which, I am guessing by the titls, has to do with stars and the sky and suff.  

For me, she is wailing on top of a volcano crater and whilst it is a departure from the kind of thing that Greece have been putting in this century in the main, I just don't get it - though many people will.  The juries might hear the song and realise its simply written and mark it down though. 

Finland

Spain

Italy

Austria

Luxembourg

Netherlands, The

Poland

Israel

United Kingdom

Latvia

Iceland

Norway

Germany

Lithuania

Ukraine

Estonia

There is a commercial break placed here so time for me to get some sustenance whilst they do some... stuff!

Nope, still don't get the appeal of this song.  That confusion starts from the moment Tynna's brother plays the Cello on stage cos he can - clerly Tynna's degree was in Clubbing.  You could imagine her off her head on Terrys Chocolate Oranges in some dirty Hamburg club singing this song to dirty old men and dealers pushing Boosts and Turkish Delight (nudge nudge). 

Is it a contest song? - No not at all and those who believe it's Germany's best song in forever... well it's a low bar if a song that consists mostly of "ballllller" being sung at you 900 times and some club dancing is the best you can hope for.  

From the understated excellence of Italy to the Lound and Proud Justyna being the diva she should have been thirty years ago.  

This is how a song should flow if you are going to have a non-mandatory "bit 0f English" in it - it flows well.  She also has some pipes on her with the gay pleasing long notes and, in another homage to the poofs, she has semi naked men cavorting on stage before she is suspended by the rings - If Poland were in the commonwealth, she'd certainly qualify for next year.

Go on love, do the Iron Cross!

The climax of the song is also high energy with another long note.   She dares you not to vote for her....  go on then.....

Lucio oozes class from every pore whilst signing this song which could have been written for the Beatles in their phases - simply staged with a backing singer with almost equal billing on stage it's the song's simplicity that will get those juries creaming themselves in broadcasters around Europe tonight. 

He's still not playing the mouth organ btw and a word for the guitarists hair, there must be a ton and a half of gel sticking it in place. 

So after Claude has driven you to tears with a heartfelt song, what do you need right now? - That's right - Erika Fucking Vikman stirring your loins!

That leather dress she is wearing must be sticky by now and the mic stands she are cavorting with will need their own Only Fans account by Saturday night if she is going to win this.   Not a note dropped and she seems to be getting more and more comfy with the song she is singing - as if she needed any more confidence!

After a couple of dodgy performances, this is fantastically sexy.  That granny that the Icelanders have awoken? - She's going to have a heart attack when she sees this.   If it hasn't killed half of Europe off, this will be up there!

A bit of a pregnant pause as they de-draped the set for Claude to sing his sweet and simple song to Europe.

I have issues with this song, not the composition per se but how Claude is performing it - he is overperforming some words which make the French language bits sound harsh so maybe someone at AVROTROS shouls ask him to turn it down a bit.   

He is certainly connecting down the camera and knows where the red light is but i'm still personally against the French in this song but he is from DR Congo so....

A touch underwhelmed from a televoter point of view but the juries should lap it up tonight!

Spain

Austria

Luxembourg

Israel

United Kingdom

Latvia

Iceland

Norway

Lithuania

Ukraine

Estonia

From a group that has eaten all the uppers, to one that has clearly been on the downers!

This song reveals all it's cards from the get go after one round of the verse and the bit from the BA Advert ( oh do keep up) you have the entire song in a nutshell.  Apparently they are all dressed as the feminine representation of Latvia, according to Rylan and Mills last night,....... so not Horoscopes' grandkids then?

I still think that it's a bit of ethereal amongst the batshit that is to come and will be forgotten by the televoters.  Juries are seeing a well performed song but it's not got hit potential. 

Oh boys - getting here was the goal, and you thought you couldn't do that but the voters of Europe gave you a chance...

This is going to wake your granny up when she sees this lot bouncing on her stage cos it's like they've eaten ALL the quality street before they came on stage AND drank eight cans of redbull as a chaser!

It's objectively rubbish - but it's very well presented and sung rubbish for twenty year olds.   They'll go a long way!

So from one complex song to one that is even more complex and more prone to going wrong if JJ goes off a little bit. 

I'm struggling to work out why this is so high in the rankings of many people because whilst it's dark and tells a story the high note warbling seems to be there for being there's sake and the song would be just the same without him doing this.   Yes I know it's his thing but I just think that the televoters will go " He's screaming at me on a fake boat".  Either do Opera, or Pop, not both. 

Still - it's a contender. 

So after the host I don't know sings Volare and some very bad crowd interaction to fill in the time, we have my home entry!

There is something pleasing when the UK entry opens their mouth and they can actually sing - it makes a healthy change.  They seemed a bit off the beat in the first verse but got it back very quickly.  Failing that, a very solid performance aimed squarly at the professions because this is the most complicated song musically presented so far. 

Televoter friendly? - Maybe not  but I'm happy with that performance.  

We don't have feelings, we have money!

Possibly the best line of Eurovision dialogue ever.  

Whilst the commercial bits of Europe are going to be in a commercial, they are chatting to Sandra about Rome.

Now my Eurovision dreams come true.  Canzone per Te sung by Sandra! - I'm in tears here cos MY Eurovision is coming back to me. 

From a song that was ordinary and made brilliant, we now have a song that is just ordinary and I don't even think it's that.   If the juries are doing their job properly they should notice that in the first verse the singer is trying a little too hard and that the song itself whilst complicated doesn't seem to be executed very well at all. 

Televoters will chuck it some points coz of course they will.  Kyiv/Substitute 2026 is not happening.

This *should* be the best of the bunch so far based on previous rehearsals. 

Starts off and you can almost smell tapas through the screen and it doesn't need to tell you where this is from.  She's got the message that there are votes on the line here and is giving it plenty on the stage and it shows that she knows what she is doing and even a cheeky blown kiss to the camera helps here. 

I love the way the verses hit into the chorus being so powerful coupled with Melodys voice and even the dance break doesn't look tacked in (Take note Czechia)

She starts to go a little wild in the last chorus atop the stairs but brings it back. 

Fucking... Class!

Luxembourg

Israel

Norway

Lithuania

Estonia

So the pretty boys are back on screen again and even a Carola-esque wind machine can't help this one.   Sad boys really do exist but this is anything but Cathartic! - Cardiac at best would describe this one.  The last 30-45 seconds are the same word over and over again almost like they said "fuck it" - a bit like the jurors would surely do.  

We have vision and sound and world feed graphics including piped in sound from the arena masking the boos for Israel that were obvious.  

Mr Phil now has vision but very little sound in the virtual press centre, so I'll keep going.

I'm not convinced by Yuval in the first verse - and for me it's just as important to nail the gentle start as the bigger notes towards the end. Once she gets to the stage of the song where she starts belting it out, she definitely comes into her own. It wasn't spot on as a full package, but I think she'll come off stage happy enough with how it went.

We're looking for arsehole self-confidence from this performance. If you want spot-on vocals you've come to the wrong place - if you want exquisite dance moves you've come to the wrong place. 

It's more of an art installation than a song. I think he's delivering what he wants to deliver, I don't think it's what the professionals will want to receive.

Laura seems a lot more comfortable and confident than Kyle did. I'll say now, I can't judge her dance moves, I don't know a heel turn from a wheelie, but vocally she's almost entirely in control of this performance. The middle eight not perfect, but the opportunity to let loose vocally towards the end is taken with no issues whatsoever. She might be able to find tiny cracks there on a rewatch, but I'd be generally happy with that.

The first part of the song seems a bit flat, but I think that's just Kyle being Kyle.  A curate's egg of a performance, certainly good in parts but I think if juries are looking for things to mark down they'll find a few here. The last "Nothing can burn me down" made me wince a bit. That's not the performance he would have hoped for.

It's almost as slow a start as 1989! Though at least Heidi didn't get thrown off a bridge in 1989. Ah, I spy a Norwegian postcard.

I'm in the media centre - Mr Phil will clearly get a cleaner feed than me once it starts working, but I'm better than nothing. I checked.

Trophy has safely arrived, Nemo has sung, flags have been paraded and opening remarks are being delivered by the sequin and/or neon clad presenters.

well i'd love to be telling you all about the opening and the flag parade right about now, but it seems the online press centre stream isn't up and running - the video meeting won't allow me to start. 

Maybe I should kick the router!

We're just about set up and ready to do this thing!