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In the final part of this Eurovision review – Phil tells you why the Top 10 didn’t win – I mean one of them did but..ach.. you know!
10th Switzerland – 214pts Jury, 0pts Televote
This is the equivalent of something being all mouth and no trousers. I appreciate I’ll need to explain this one. This had jury bait all over it. Designed to appeal to the hearts and minds of those middle aged professionals. It’s well written, well shot (in one, fact fans) and exquisitely well performed. Twelves from Estonia, Poland and Spain, and five sets of ten votes, plus a slew of others meant that Switzerland had the best average jury position of 5.44. Televoters, however, were not enamoured – in fact the lullaby nature meant that they didn’t have much to pick up on and “nice” doesn’t win Eurovision. “Average” in the mind of the televoter doesn’t win votes. 0 Vote, 19.58 position average.
9th Ukraine – 60pts Jury, 158pts Televote
I don’t get this. This song shouldn’t have got anywhere near the final, let alone qualify and finish in the top 10. The jurors clearly didn’t think so, especially in France and Iceland where it was positioned in last place. A highest score of 8 from the Portuguese jury but not a lot else. The televoters saw Ukraine and went “awwww… let’s chuck them a few votes” … and people did … in their droves! Three maxes here – Czechia, Israel and Poland (of course!) and three lots of ten points.
8th Albania – 45pts Jury, 173pts Televote
A typical Albanian performance and actual result if we are dead honest. This song was never going to win in a million years, despite what the internet would tell you (had you read X). What the diaspora did here is up for debate, but I suspect those 173 televotes are a little bit inflated. The jury just saw a shouty woman and a grumpy old man.
7th France – 180pts Jury, 50pts Televote
If Albania was aimed at the televoters, then the juries were definitely in the sights of France 2. They believed that they would win, huge swathes of the Eurovision internet thought they would win too, however they all forgot one thing. Thus had zero for your normal televoter to latch onto. It wasn’t exciting enough for them to throw money at, but that will never stop the French entering chanson after chanson, cos they believe that is what this contest needs. A shade under 13 average televote position, compared to 7.50 under the juries.
6th Greece – 105pts Jury, 126pts Televote
Nope – Literally no fucking idea. Please tell me how, cos I don’t get it. 12th with the juries and 11th with the televote. And by the magic of ‘scoring’ that puts it top six. Way too many points all round for my liking!
5th Italy – 159pts Jury, 97pts Televote
As opposed to Greece, I get this one. This is a beautiful song (in this contest that I still believe Italy can win as and when it chooses). It chose not to win this year, but Top 5 should have always been on the cards for this one. I thought it was a bit shit at Sanremo, but when it was placed here, with the subtitles, I cried, and I’m not ashamed to say it. Bowie meets Eurovision went down well with the jurors with five sets of twelve points giving Italy an average of just under 9th place. Televoters are stupid and wrong, and couldn’t see the quiet class here but 9.31 average position does not equate to a satisfying result.
4th Sweden – 126pts Jury, 195pts Televote
Europe clearly is stupid and wrong. I firmly believe that this should have won but it didn’t … so meh. I reckon the European Juries did what the Melodifestival Juries didn’t – and penalised fun by marking it down. 9.44 average jury position. Televoters saw a fun song about a sauna, and gave it loads of love, but only four maximum scores in among loads of high points, and an average position of 6.06. I’ll get over this, but it will take a while.
3rd – Estonia – 98pts Jury, 258pts Televote
Having just said all that, this is just televoters voting for the “Eurovision” song to the detriment of Sweden. Tommy Cash with his “song” had no right to do so well in this company. The juries mostly saw right through charade and almost universally ignored it. It wasn’t “the best” anywhere in Europe, though Belgium and Italy (of course) thought it second best. Jury average place of 10.19. Televoters giving it single number positions all over Europe, apart from France cos they are too classy for this nonsense (14th) – Average placing 4.36 and a 2nd position
2nd Israel – 60pts Jury, 297pts Televote
Shai, of this parish, might not agree with this – but it certainly *seems* that there has been a bit of skulduggery with the televote here. We know what the Israeli government/embassies did last year and I’d stake what is left of my reputation that it’s happened again. This song was NOT the best song in the contest, nor should it deserve THIRTEEN first place votes. The juries, however, were (allegedly) probably “advised” that an Israeli win would be not a good thing, and duly marked it down enough for Kan not to win.
1st Austria – 258pts Jury, 178pts Televote.
Well it scored the most points, so it won! It’s never quite that easy is it though? JJs song was clearly aimed at the juries – dramatic performance? (TICK). Vocal range? (TICK). Overall look being any good? (TICK). Hit potential? Well, they seemed to think so – I’m not so sure. Eight sets of twelve points, but the average below Switzerland’s by 0.2 (5.44 to 5.64). Televoters were not so sure either. Tellingly (though possibly at the risk of repeating, Israel’s shenanigans might have robbed JJ of some of those twelves), but five sets of ten points and points from loads of countries meant 178 televote points, and the fourth highest position of 6.28
So there you go – most of you won’t agree but hey – that’s why we love the contest!
Simple and striaght to the point analysis…I loved it!
Switzerland –
It is a disgrace that this got zero points from the televoters. and yes the televoters need be reformed, just not sure if it will help songs like this in the future.
Ukraine –
This won the semi ahead of televoters big hitters like Sweden and Estonia. Your guess is as good as mine, why this happened. Estonia, Sweden and Albania, who lost to Ukraine in the semi, got in the final more televoters than Ukraine. Another example why the televoters need to be reformed.
Albania –
During Eurovision countdown, on this site, I said that this at best top 10 material. I never saw it as even a contender to the win. It’s nice to be right sometimes.
France –
It was well performed and France 2 seemed to get the staging right, but let be honest, it was a bit bombastic and maybe a tad too calculated to be a winner.
Greece –
Between all the noise and cheapness, this stood out as a real song, performed well. It felt authentic, it was simple but very effective.
Italy –
I have never connected to the song, even with the subtitles. For me it’s a bit to high on the scoreboard, but hey it is Italy and somehow they can get away with anything.
Sweden –
This was suppose to be this year’s televoters magnet , but it didn’t even win its semi(managing only 4th place). Did better in the final, but not enough to get the win they were aiming to. The juries downgraded this one, as they usually do for fun songs.
You know you are in troubles when you receive from all the Scandinavian countries, 1 set of 12 points(Iceland) and it is also your only set of 12 points you have from the juries.
I do question Björkman decision’s to put this on 23 in the running order. No matter how you look at it, and whether he knew the semi results or didn’t, it smells on nepotism.
Estonia –
98 juries points are way to high, for this “song”. If one of the criteria the juries were supposed to judge, is vocal capacity, they seemed to be listening to a different song/singer(if you can call him even that). The televote score is a typical score for this kind of song. Unfortunately, its success means we will see more of these kind of songs in the future, Not something I am looking forward to.
Israel –
I have a lot to say, but this will make this a very long reply. So, Phil, I am willing to write a full article, about this result, if you are willing to publish it as a guest writer. Send me an email, if you wish to have it.
The first time I heard this kind of accusation about the Israeli embassies voting, is when you brought it up during your Eurovision countdown, this year. So I am bit skeptic about it. I have no proof to confirm or to deny what you say. In my eyes it sounds like a complot theory to explain something and bring logic to something that doesn’t make sense to you. it is a path you really don’t want to go to.
Like last year, the juries weren’t judging the song by the criteria set to them. It only got 8 points more than last year and almost won the whole contest. In the juries vote there was a surprising 7 points from Ireland of all places. Which proves my point that the song wasn’t judged on its musical merit.
As I said in my Eurovision countdown, an Israeli win would not have been good for the contest. 2nd place is good enough, and it feels like a win. The relive of Israel not winning, could be felt through the TV screens.
P.s. – it won the semi with 203 points out of 228 and a 73 points margin. Getting points from every country in the semi. A surprise result, one that foretold what will happen in the final.
Austria –
It won the juries, but it wasn’t a landslide, which is why when the televote came in, it was a close call. The juries liked it but didn’t really loved it. It is not a song that televoters go for, so what he received from the televoters is more lackluster reaction.
I’ve never liked this song. But I am usually not much aligned with the winners. For every winner I like, there are 5 winners I don’t like.