Mr Phil’s Review of Day 2 – Bank Holiday SPECIAL

So, we’re all locked out of rehearsals at the big house for the second day but, fear not, our intrepid team have been looking at the tickey-tocks because we are down with the kids so we can glean some nuggets to make you smile.

Israel

So Noa finally bothers to turn up, just on the incorrectly allotted day because that’s typically Israeli.  At least she has got rid of the dress with the blue arrow pointing to her growler this time.  She’s also borrowed Surie’s prop and rotated it and, of course, there is the gaybait dance break.  She’s not singing Fuego…. but you’d never tell.  Phenomenal? – hahah no.

@eurovision

We DEFINITELY saw her dance 🦄 🇮🇱 #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Noa Kirel

♬ original sound – Eurovision

Azerbaijan

It seems like the local YTS kids have escaped from the Job Centre and have turned up to sing a weird song? – No?  I guess they are trying to get onto the Ready Steady Go sixties vibe by.. standing on a plinth in bright suits..  do they not know the contest they are trying to emulate was in greyscale? It just looks and sounds like a bag of nothing.

@eurovision

All you need is love 💚🇦🇿 #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Tural Turan

♬ original sound – Eurovision

Czechia

I get the feeling that we are elements missing from this performance.  If the girls are wearing those pink outfits I shall be amazed beyond words.  It seems all very reminiscent of Manizha from the country that dare not speak it’s name, at least in the way it is seemingly going to be presented.  Sounded OK though and blew the other two out of the water.

@eurovision

Slavic sisterhood 🇨🇿✊ #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Vesna

♬ original sound – Eurovision

The Netherlands

So they decided, at the last minute, to change the key that the song is to be sung in because neither of them could sing it.  I mean, I guess its a positive thing, right? – This staging looks like it is going to rely heavily on the both of them not fucking it up and i’m still willing to take odds on that happening. It’s all very pink for a girl and blue for a boy in the pics I’ve seen but they seem happy though – perhaps its a mask. ” I had no clue what was happening with the Cameras” she said…. that puts the fear of god up me.

@eurovision

Haunting, mesmerising, and enchanting stuff from Mia & Dion 🥺🧡 #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Mia Nicolai @Dion Cooper

♬ original sound – Eurovision

Finland

For most of these ticky-tock things you can tell the precise square root of fuck all – not so with Finland, you can see everything they have.  Pink dancers, a box instead of the boxing ring, the human centipede – what more do you bloody need Europe – cos you certainly don’t need a mumbling woman in a Breville when you have this genius.  Poor lambs, they look like they need a rubdown with a copy of Razzle at the end of that.  I’m knackered just watching it.

@eurovision

It was crazy. It was party! 🎉🇫🇮 #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Käärijä

♬ original sound – Eurovision

Denmark

This, people of Europe, is what looking like your chips have been pissed on from a great height by the previous act looks like.  All he has got in his favour is a rotating set, it’s almost as though Snap didn’t have much of an impact last year seemingly.  People are saying the staging is “amazing” – It’s ok – wouldn’t go that far though.

@eurovision

Dazzling Denmark ✨🇩🇰 #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Rei

♬ original sound – Eurovision

Armenia

Can we hire a visual effects claxon? Cos one needs to go off here because there is some sort of witchcraft going on (burn her!)  As we don’t get the full picture I can only surmise that she hasn’t had a Sergei Lazarev prat fall from it, though that would be funny as hell.  It’s definintely a made for TV staging, not a bad thing.

@eurovision

Brunette decided to be good…and she did good! 😍🔮🇦🇲 #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Brunette

♬ original sound – Eurovision

Romania

Jesus wept there is so much to unpack here in such a short clip.  My first observation was ” Shit, he’s leading the Tour de France two months early” – Yellow is only suitable in certain circumstances and this isn’t it.  Secondly, his creatives have decided that we need more of Theodor so they shoved him on the background for good measure!  That never works in this contest.  He’s also not totally abandoned the cavorting women from the Seletia Nationala either, but has seemingly just the one trying to undress him.   “Things seem much more stable now” he says, a phrase I never thought would come from his lips.

@eurovision

Yes to the yellow, yes to the Pikachu socks, yes to Theodor 💛🇷🇴 #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Theodor Andrei

♬ original sound – Eurovision

Belgium

You know you are onto a good thing when you introduce your backing artistes to the tiktok generation – that’s how you do it Daddy!.  It’s very much eveything we have seen before but with additional jeopardy of steps and, unlike Ireland, This set actually serves a purpose.  He seemed a little miffed at the end ” we’re getting there” he said…. I wonder just how far they have to go?

@eurovision

The party gets started in Liverpool and it’s all because of YOU Gustaph 🤩🇧🇪 #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Gustaph

♬ original sound – Eurovision

Cyprus

Well he has all the elements on the background it seems, Earth, Air, Fire *and* Water and he puts his heart and soul in this one.  A solo staging has inherant risks of looking lonely on stage but I guess that is what this csong is after.  I’m sure the gays will like the minimalistic nature of his costume as well ( phwoarr!)

@eurovision

Red lights, flashes, Andrew Lambrou rises out of the ashes ☄️🇨🇾 #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Andrew Lambrou

♬ original sound – Eurovision

I also didn’t put Loreen up last night because they were later than I could be arsed with so, to stop complaints, here she is.

@eurovision

Loreen ✅ Lightbox ✅ Liverpool ✅ #Eurovision2023 #Eurovision @Loreen

♬ original sound – Eurovision

Back for more tomorrow punters? – I should say so.

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