Armenia – Wood and wind
The stage is all decked out in red trees on a black background, and Hayko has an actual tree on stage that's been absolutely...
Romanian mix and match
First time I've heard it. It's basically the bastard child of all the other 41 songs. And every other song ever. All of them....
Scooch at Eurovsion – shit literally happens
A man immediately to my right just broke off from eating cheap Twix for long enough to ask "Can you see credits rolling over...
Ukraine – It’s brilliant!
Nick: It really, really, is Eric Cartman made flesh. And I fear it. The guy to my left says it's like chocolate cheese. It...
German cheese
Nick: I'd like to thank all those who explained Cicero to me yesterday - and I think I get it now. It's Robbie Williams...
The Russians are coming
Phil: Still my kind of song - still the kind of thing that I like a lot, and my ilk will like as well...
The French are channeling OnEurope
I think I get this now. It's a long haired guy looking all wistful into the camera and overacting slightly whilst an oddball bald...
The Swedes are ‘all right’
Nick: Sweden are being perfectly all right. Nothing wrong with it at all, and as such it could well merit the usual Norwegian result....
Greece – stuck in a Eurovision groove
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Phil: The more I listen to this - the more I have decided that Sarbel sounds better IF you play 'Yassou...
Marcus reports …
Hanna has just done the victory V in her press conference and she scarily has the biggest forearms and biceps of any performer here...