Malta.. Dear BBC….

Emma Muscat at Eurovision rehearsals
Emma Muscat at Eurovision rehearsals

Dear BBC Light Entertainment circa 1994 or so, have YOU had a hand in staging this song, because it bloody well looks like it!

If you’re going to sing a song that everyone in most of Europe would associate with “being Eurovision”, the first pre-requisite is to be able to sing it to some sort of standard. In about the first ten notes, Emma shows that she can’t. She’s not at Pia Maria levels of awfulness, but the bucket she is holding the tune in has many holes.

Vocal gymnastics

She stands on her piano and makes the fatal mistake of trying vocal gymnastics around the tune, and she either doesn’t have the confidence or the vocal range to pull it off. She then sings and comes down the stairs and, towards the end heads for the satellite stage.

I said in my Countdown review that this song would benefit from having recorded backing vocals, but, if I’m honest, this would benefit more from having lead dubs by Destiny, because we know she can actually sing – and there is space for one more, as Malta only have five on stage! Oh yes, she meets up with her four dancers for the last verse and chorus. It would be better if they were singing as well, but they are not.

She’s wearing a dress made of those reflective bathroom tiles that you get on a role. I wonder who has done her grouting? – Not a euphemism, and the yellowy orange background has the potential to reflect off it at all sorts of angles. It looks better than it sounds, but it takes a photo finish to determine that result.

If you’re Maltese… I’m sorry – this had so much potential (and I love the song), but it’s been let down by drab staging and dodgy vocals. Remember, you traded UP for this song.