LIVE BLOG: Eurovision 2022, Jury Show

I am emotionally spent after spending this two weeks with you, my loyal reader! - I'm off to get some shut eye and/or a drink. 

Mo will be with you tomorrow afternoon to see who is holding it together and i'll be doing some sort of radio shenanigans I am sure at some point tomorrow. 

Until then, my beautiful people, byeeeeeeee!

Which will, I am sure, bear 0 resemblance to anything approaching reality. 

Sweden

Italy

United Kingdom

Greece

Poland

Armenia

Netherlands, The

Romania

Czech Republic

France

Norway

Belgium

Moldova

Ukraine

Spain

Serbia

Estonia

Lithuania

Azerbaijan

Australia

Iceland

Portugal

Finland

Switzerland

Germany

Well, STEFAN has a lot to live upto if he is not going to be completely wiped off the face of the earth scoring wise.

This is a decent show closer and it surprised me by getting out of its semi final and probably making ERR execs lose some more Euro by having to extend their hotels!.

The crowd are, as they have done all night, clapping along with this but I think that they have too much to do to get this high up the board - much as it pains me to say it. 

Stefan still mumbles, sadly, though Loreen won with bad diction!

This is fucking mental just at the right time.  If Only San Marino were here.  Konstrakta is going to score well locally but this is only going to be got by fans and locals.  

It doesn't have wide appeal but that doesn't stop me clapping and moving my hands like a mental case!

Coming after Sam has rocked the spaceship out this is a change of g ear.  Again, this is a fabulous song sung really really well. 

If a male ballad is what you are looking for, then this gets your ticks surely??

I can't be objective here. 

I was a little worried at that first 20 seconds but he made me cry again!

That is the performance I have waited a generation for (Sorry Surie)

It might be the UK next because there is going to be a massive set change!

Laura's mic goes wrong - great!

It might be the UK next because there is going to be a massive set change!

Laura's mic goes wrong - great!

Again, i'm not the intended audience for this.  Sheldon seems angrier than ever tonight, seems to be a theme with people with points to prove eh, Malik. 

Sheldon has a great voice - he just needed a song that showed off his range rather than his rage. 

Sweden

Italy

Greece

Armenia

Netherlands, The

Romania

Czech Republic

France

Norway

Belgium

Moldova

Ukraine

Spain

Lithuania

Azerbaijan

Iceland

Portugal

Finland

Switzerland

Germany

Time for "Default winning answer" Part II. 

Cornelia and SVT are gunning for that 7th win that Christer never managed.  This is a classy song and, for once, a technically competant performance not fucked up br RAI falling over or knackering the backing track. 

It's hard to argue with Cornelia, even if you wanted to, because she looks like she'd eat me alive!.  This is a great song sung well and staged to within an inch of its life.  This has top 5 written all the way through it!

It's taken me two weeks to work out what this is!

It's Cotton Eye Joe isn't it set aboard a train linking two brothers together.  Incest, the game for all the family!

Anyway, back to this.  Roman is like Mahmood and twink, can turn it on when he needs too.  He is, though, too old for his clothes and this song gets old and tired very quickly but, you know, it is still considerably better than a number of other songs purely on his stage presense and him jumping all over the place. 

Whips the crowd into a frenzy. 

This is "nice"

I'm struggling to say anything negative about it but it just looks too forced and too calculatingly understated for anyone of sense to throw it a couple of votes.  It might appeal to members of the WI in Kent, or Sussex, or Daily Mail readers perhaps, but not me.  

I still don't like how she mumbles the first notes of this song into the vocoder.  I mean I know why she does it, but its just not needed. 

Massive cheer when the first verse ends, in the italian tradition of clapping excellence and, make no mistake, the staging with the chairs and the voice that Amanda has, coupled with her soulless performance (not in a bad way, she just has chosen not to emote I think) is a really powerful combo on screen. 

Italy

Armenia

Netherlands, The

Romania

Czech Republic

France

Norway

Belgium

Ukraine

Spain

Lithuania

Azerbaijan

Portugal

Finland

Switzerland

Germany

Jeremie is an immensely likeable character on stage.  I've heard him swear so he can be somewhat of a diva when things go wrong.  Thankfully tonight is not one of those nights and this is performed with an ease thatt is hard to teach.  My only problem is still those high glissando notes which seem unneccessary or just plain week and I dont know which.  

He does miss a note towards the end of the song though - but styles it out.  

Yeah, not half bad that - and the ending of the song is great as well.  

This little run of the contest is clearly the Disco Nap section of the contest or, if you like, the toilet break!

I Ignored this in its semi final, and it found an audience so, going for two in a row, Not sure who its audience is this time. 

It's performed well and simply - just not memorable in this field. 

This little run of the contest is clearly the Disco Nap section of the contest or, if you like, the toilet break!

I Ignored this in its semi final, and it found an audience so, going for two in a row, Not sure who its audience is this time. 

It's performed well and simply - just not memorable in this field. 

Monika may be all shades of wrong with a haircut that she doesn't necessarily have to pay for, but she could hear the crowd clapping her song and cups her ear so they get louder.  

If you remember Switzerland back in 1992 - the song that finally won the final, not their original, this invokes memories of that for me - with less burlesque and more class.  I think, though, there are still too many better songs that have gone before and to come.  

I'm a fan of the minimalist movements though. 

long long shots of the crowd

Something has gone awry before Lithuania comes onto stage - probably getting all of Malik's kit off - so to speak. 

(Bastard Lingotto factory bastards!)

I try to look for the good in things - and if a song has any redeeming features and this really, REALLY doesn't have any and Germans should prepare themselves for a massive fall. 

Who is going to vote for a man being angry at me with an american accent? - Tonight he got even more angry than usual.  

Nope - no chance and no hope. 

Italy

Armenia

Netherlands, The

Romania

Czech Republic

France

Norway

Ukraine

Spain

Portugal

Finland

Switzerland

Time for Default Winner Answer number one. 

I just wonder if the whole "Give peace a chance" at the front of the contest (Spoiler despite me saying I would not spoiler) was designed to make the contest appear "fair" and "balanced"?

This may be 1-3 in the betting but that is mainly the money going " it's all political innit" and playing it safe and lumping lots of money onto, what is, a very average song.  

The point still stands, those 205 people that can vote for this in a bit will have their names attached to this.  If they go by the song - it's average, performed well though.  Who is going to have their balls out enough to not put this top 4?

And as if to emphasise the point that Spain was cheap and the other two around it were a class apart, here comes S10 to piss all over Chanel's chips from a completely different direction!

Not a lot to describe about a blond woman singing down the camera at me - but that is just what she does - and that is all she needs to do to sell me this song.  I'll have a kilo of that please!

The advantage, or disadvantage, of coming after that is that whatever it was, provided the Italians did a job it would make the next song look cheap. 

Talking of cheap -  It's Chanel!

It's an easy gag but she doesn't help matters by being Ronela in another costume but with a smidge more talent.  Aimed at the fans and gays and dads she cavorts on stagand gets the crowd cheering at all the right places. 

When you come to rank this, as the jurors withis is only mid table at best in the first ten - there are just better songs to come.  

The Spanish will burn me at the stake but you have been warned to expect a low placing.  She isn't winning - not even close. 

The first of the big hitters, so to speak.  I'm sure that audience what is already whipped into a frenzy will go big for this one. 

Like a tap Mahmood turns on the performance and, to be fair, so does Blanco.  They are almost like performing horses and they know when the big occassion is on them.   There is FINALLY that spark of a something between them in the lyrics of the song and that lifts the song to another plane.  

That is the best they have done it all week and when it counts too.  

Beautiful. 

Armenia

Romania

Czech Republic

France

Norway

Portugal

Finland

Switzerland

I've warmed to this song as the week has gone on.  It's gone from a knock off Ben and tan through all sorts of variations to a damn good song and that is all on Rosa Linn.  

She has a cracking voice, clearly the best tonight and possibly the best in the contest to my ear and my doubts about her not being able to perform with the stage props have been totally unfounded.   The audience are cheering and clapping along (they may or may not be real sounds of course)

She also got the final reveal of the hole in the set right tonight too.  A stunning performance I must say. 

Mika all at see trying to fill between Norway and Armenia. 

No such problems for Subwoolfer and by the second phrase the clapping starts in the arena. 

Whist this is still a stong song having seen France's energy ( if not necessarily it's vocal ability) this has, somehow, less energy.  It's almost becalmed in comparison. It is, though, immaculately performed. 

THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT!

(Cavour's rice fields)

Well not *that* - but France in general!

Well it was until Ahez opened her mouth for the solo at the beginning where upon she was a mile off key and physically shaking which is problematic in its right. 

By the time the second solo comes on, she's back in sync with the song but if the juries have noticed that at the beginning, which they surely have, then this would be marked down on that alone. 

And thats a shame because the song is a belter.  It recovered nicely though but towards the end Alvan's microphone seemed to go very quiet.  

Romania

Czech Republic

Portugal

Finland

Switzerland

(Termoli)

A second shock qualifier takes to the stage now with Marius Bear.  He was so overjoyed to get into this part of the contest from Tuesday (which seems like a lifetime ago). 

In the same way that Maro found her people, this found it's people but i'm buggered if I know who.  I just can't warm to him standing their singing this song whoch sounds like it is being played on a very slow turntable. 

If you get it - you get it.   The crowd seem to get it so maybe, yet again, I am not the intended audience here - I ranked this 16 out of 17 in its semi final and I can't get enthused. 

Though he has riffed off the notes in the final chorus, but that doesnt help him.  Dizzie Gillespie, he aint. 

and to wake up comatosed European jurors we now have Finland - that's 3 uptempo ones at the start and I think that Portugal won't stand up to *that* kind of scrutiny. 

Again the crowd are clapping along with this song but Lauri still looks like he would be anywhere other than here but, just like with Portugal, this will find it's people just like it did last night.  

They can certainly give this a performance but I still don't like the backing vocal being so loud and off key compared to the lead singer.  When Lauri casts off his flash-a-mac the crowd roar. 

I just wish this one would end. 

This is a right comedown - It's like taking a downer after about 38947839247 pills, I would imagine, and I am *not* it's chosen constituency. 

That is not to say that it is wholly without merit or charm. If you like girls singing a sweet song in a circle, it's for you and, for what it is, it's ok.  

I'm just not sure what *it* is that many, many of you have seen.  It just leaves me cold.  Sorry. 

Welll one uptempo banger begats two.  This gets the crowd clapping along from the start and WRS seems to have used more product in his hair, so much so that it looks like a syrup! 

The fans are singing the chorus back at him and he is doing his usual flailing around which, despite how I just made that sound, is looking effective. 

I just think he is missing a tray of drinks and that Spanish guitar. 

I think this has just edged Czech Republic but its damn close.  None of the rough notes of the other night as well. 

Well we are off - and in under seventeen minutes as well!

(Caserta)

This is a great opener to the contest - a false dawn as to some of the songs to come - but overall a really loud and vibrant opening.  Electronica has a place at this contest - and so do 1980's synths and hipster guitarists. 

It looks super effective on stage and on the telly. 

And we see the presenters...

Remember everyone this is scheduled for THREE HOURS AND FIFTY MINUTES and I suspect that might not be enough

and we get to the flag parade - without any actual flags this year so thats a blessed relief!

It could be a long old night though at current rate of travel

I didn't know there were so many italian songs in the opening! - You learn something every day - and there are also a lot of singers on stage and the stage is bathed in canary yellow... again!

If you are new to all this, or just can't remember what is going on tonight - 5 people in 40 countries will be casting their votes tonight - Ranking the songs in order from 1-25 and those points get converted on an expodential scale, added up, and then the one with the most points gets 12 from the jury. 

But it's all political apparently!

...With a totally unneccessary flag parade and a lovely intro film - I shall say no more about this because, well, you want something to see tomorrow evening won't you? 😉

...It might even be a bit this tonight

Hello all - Fifteen minute claxon ahoy before a flag ceremony and some singers. 

It's all a bit.. well.. this